Grandma Ellersick's Memorial

My Grandma's Memorial

Like I said in one of my previous posts...family began arriving in town around Memorial Day weekend. My grandma loved Memorial Day. She loved honoring those who served our country and she was also a huge genealogist with a great love for her family and ancestors. For years she would have me come with her to take flowers...enough to fill the entire back of her suburban...to about five different cemeteries. It was a lot of work and it meant a lot to her to do it. She wanted to make sure that the graves of her loved ones had flowers on them each Memorial Day. I really cherish the opportunities that I had to go with her and to help her. She told me all kinds of family stories and would always say that seeing all the flags gave her goosebumps. When we were finished delivering the flowers we would always stop for a hamburger and a milkshake before heading back to the lake. I asked her once if I should be taking notes because she joked that she was going to pass this duty on to me when she was gone. She told me that if I would just make sure that there were flowers on the graves of her parents, grandpa, and my grandpa's parents and his aunt and uncle she would appreciate it and that would be enough. She said that if I wanted to do more that was up to me.

Her birthday was also around Memorial Day and Memorial Day weekend was when we would celebrate with her. I have so many memories...her surprise 80th birthday party when the entire family showed up and hid in Lilac Lodge. Her big 90th birthday party after she had gone blind and wasn't in the best of health...and many other quieter birthdays in between. She missed her 94th birthday by a week.

My grandma in high school. I think my cousin Wendy looks so much like her.

Family started streaming into town right before Memorial Day weekend:

My sister Jordin, her husband Ramon, and their two kids came from Kansas City.

Bryn, Jaylah, and Ailey

Kirk and Meki and Kirin (and Reilly) came from Utah.

Nearly all of my cousins and their families came to town. My family gathered at my mom's house and spent time together. One night we had a big bonfire and made tinfoil dinners. I can't tell you how long it has been since I have had a tinfoil dinner. We made some great gourmet tinfoil dinners!! :)

I love all the bricks with names written in chalk on them so that we could tell whose dinner belonged to whom.

The manly men tending the fire.

The cousins had a great time playing together...especially playing dress-up in old formals.

Ailey in my old homecoming dress. :)

Kirin and RJ 

RJ and scissors...a dangerous combination.

Everyone loves that RJ !!

Cute Kirin enjoyed playing dress-up too. 

And so did Kirin's daddy. Ha ha!

On the day that would have been my grandma's 94th birthday. My family went out for a big sushi dinner at one of our favorite sushi restaurants that overlooks Lake Pend Oreille. It was an absolutely beautiful evening.

Jordin trying to keep Kirin entertained.

Bryn learning to use chopsticks.

The next day...Memorial Day...was our big family gathering at the lake to celebrate my grandma's life. My grandma didn't want a funeral but rather a gathering of family. Our entire family and many of her nieces and nephews and great-nieces and nephews and even great-great-nieces and nephews all came to a big afternoon luncheon in her honor. 

The only picture I have from that day...it wasn't a picture taking day.

The day was hot and the vibe was weird and this will go down as one of my least favorite days. I kind of just wandered around from group to group greeting people and chatting here and there all afternoon until I just sat down and spent time with those that I really wanted to be with while we watched our kids swim. 

Part of the problem was that there was no structure to the whole thing. No one took charge. No one said anything "official"... there were no words from her children...no "if anyone wants to share a memory"...no nothing. I had so many people ask me, "Is anyone going to say anything?" "Is this it?" Like I said the vibe was weird. The tension thick. There were so many undercurrents of pain and family issues and apprehension...the will was being read and the future of the lake house was being decided. It was just not the send off that it could've been for a woman who so deserved an amazing celebration due to so many family issues that were never dealt with and had just built up and intensified over the years. Now the glue that held everything together was gone and things just fell apart.

The trouble with lake houses and families that don't communicate is that eventually they will break your heart. Hearts were broken. Relationships damaged. Many family members left that gathering in tears and really hurting. I left in tears myself. How did we get to this point? Why today of all days? Why aren't people who are supposed to be here... still here? This wasn't the way things were supposed to turn out. This isn't how things were supposed to end? What has happened to our family? It wasn't a comforting day or even a celebration of a life day. It was the breakdown of a family. 

The next day was the graveside service. My grandma did request that. She was LDS and the family prayer and grave dedication were important to her. Despite the devastation and pain of the day before...all family members were present... as we laid my grandmother's body to rest. I wish I could say that it brought our family together; all of us united in our love for an amazing mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother but I can't. My cousin, Jaymon, who is a bishop dedicated her grave and offered the family prayer. My cousin Paul said a few words which I appreciated and that was it. It just wasn't an atmosphere for sharing. Hurt cast a painful shadow over everything. 

I hugged all of my relatives that day. Some hugged me back and we cried together and shared our love for one another and some held themselves stiff and aloof. It is what it is I guess. We broke up into three different groups after the service. One group went back to the lake, another group went to lunch by themselves, and a third group also went to lunch by themselves. Sad. I left this gathering wondering when/if I would ever see some of these people again.

My group consisting of my family... went to lunch at Capone's for burgers and fries and tried to enjoy one another as Kirk and his family and Reilly were leaving right after lunch to drive back to Utah. I just wanted to enjoy my own little family being together and to spend time with Reilly before she left town.

Jaylah, River, Ailey, Bryn, and Elle playing video games

After lunch Kirk, Meki, Reilly, and Kirin left and drove back to Utah. Tyler and the kids and I headed back home. My mom and the rest of my siblings went to the lake and met up with other family members there. 

Here is my opinion...take it for what you will...as much as nobody likes them or wants them burial ceremonies and traditions are there for a reason. They help you to say goodbye and get closure. I get that people have all different beliefs and religions and world views but some things ARE helpful. Maybe you don't want a traditional funeral but someone needs to be delegated to be in charge of saying a few words...offering a prayer...singing a hymn...or dedicating a grave. Maybe you don't want a viewing but let your family say goodbye to you if they would like to before the casket is closed. There is comfort found for some in dressing their loved one in their temple clothes or burial clothes and performing that one last act of service. There is comfort found in being a pallbearer. There is comfort found and love shared in flowers or donations made in a person's name. There is comfort found in the sharing of memories as an ENTIRE family...not just small groups here and there. Let your family mourn you. Let them share their love for you and get closure. My two cents.

As I watched my children place their roses on my grandma's casket I thought of all that she has taught me and continues to teach me through her example. The overwhelming lesson learned from this weekend and family gathering is a simple yet powerful one...Invest in people who invest in you.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my grandma:

Grandma in her element...typing the family newsletter, baked goods cooling, wearing her culottes. :)

Caught in mid laugh.

Out on the lake

At a Spokane Indians Game. Ailey is a week old in this picture. My grandma loved watching sports.

At a sleepover we had with my grandma. We cooked all of her favorite foods and had a great night together.

I love you Grandma!!

**Edit: This post was originally written in early June and not published. But unfortunately life is not always easy, or positive, or fair and even painful posts have a place on this blog because that is life. The lake house and property were left to the four remaining siblings and the children of my Uncle Mike. Three of the living siblings wanted the lake house to be sold. My mother is purchasing the lake house and property and is in the process of moving there and making it her home. This hasn't been an easy decision and process for anyone in our entire family. Family relationships are still strained and family members are still hurting. It makes me so sad... and yet... I have an obligation to help my mom, to restore the lake house and property, and to do my part in stewardship of this special place. I love my extended family dearly. I remain hopeful and trust in the Lord that one day all wounds will be healed. **

Pioneer Trek

Pioneer Trek 2017

About every four years the youth in our stake get to go on a Pioneer Trek which is basically a reenactment of what it would have been like to be part of a handcart company that traveled west. It also allows the youth to somewhat experience first hand the faith and determination of the pioneers. The youth are organized into *families*, wear pioneer-era type clothing, pull handcarts across difficult terrain, sleep out under the stars, and talk about the faith of those who made such courageous sacrifices to travel to the Salt Lake Valley.

A little history...The Mormon pioneers traveled in covered wagon companies and also in handcart companies. Handcarts, two-wheeled carts that were pulled by emigrants instead of draft animals, were sometimes used as an alternate means of transportation from 1856 to 1860. They were seen as a faster, easier, and cheaper way to bring European converts to the Salt Lake Valley. Almost 3,000 Mormons, with 653 carts and 50 supply wagons, traveling in 10 different companies, made the trip over the trail to the Salt Lake Valley. 

I am a direct descendant of over 20 Mormon pioneers. Some of my ancestors traveled via covered wagon companies and some traveled via handcart companies. For the trek the youth were asked to walk in memory of a pioneer...although told to remember that a pioneer is someone who leads the way...and you don't have to have crossed the plains to be a pioneer. The youth were asked to pick someone, learn about their life, and be able to share who they were walking for and why. Our children have an abundance of family members to walk in honor of...Tyler's family history is full of Mormon pioneers as well. So far both Reilly and Kameron have chosen ancestors who traveled by handcart company and I think that it made the experience especially significant for them.  Kameron walked in honor of his three times great-grandfather Archibald McKinnon who was an emigrant from Scotland and traveled across the plains all by himself at basically the same age as Kameron is now. Archie McKinnon traveled with the Milo Andrus Handcart Company in 1855.

The youth of our stake trekked across some very difficult terrain for 3 days and traveled about 23 miles. They literally slept on tarps on the ground and because of fire danger they couldn't even have a bonfire at night. The weather was so hot...around 98 to 100 degrees each day. Kameron returned home dirty and tired but with a HUGE grin on his face!! He absolutely LOVED IT!!

Kameron with his Trek Ma and Pa and siblings...The Whitney Family

When the youth first arrived the kids were assigned into families. Kameron knew all of the kids that were in his family but he didn't know his Ma and Pa. By the end of the trek he loved each one of them dearly. The youth had to assemble the handcarts and load them up and start treking. Along the way they encountered all kinds of challenges that they had to work through. It turned at to be such an inspiring and faith building experience for Kameron. Reilly absolutely loved her Trek experience too and the bonds that she formed with her Trek family remain to this day. She loves them!!

The stake posted some pictures from the last trek in 2013 and I found some new pictures of Reilly that I hadn't seen before. I'm posting them here.

She had such an incredible experience. She was so excited for Kameron to experience it for himself.

The stake had a trek instagram account and while the youth were trekking the leaders would occasionally post pictures. We loved trying to find Kam in the crowd. :) Like in this one where they recreated the experience of Hole in the Rock where they had to figure out how to get all of the handcarts down this cliff just like the real pioneers did at the real Hole in the Rock.

Kameron is holding onto the ropes and helping to lower the handcarts down:

Zoomed in on Kam

Finally it was time for them to be welcomed into the valley by friends and family. It was pretty exciting when we saw those pioneers arrive up on top of the bluff and we got to cheer them on!!

The Whitney Family coming into the valley:

We were so excited to see Kameron and to see the joy on his face!! 

Kam still in pioneer mode and working and helping his family. We were told over and over again what a great kid Kam was on the trek, how helpful he was, how hard he worked, and that he always had a smile on his face. That made us so happy as parents.

Kameron learned so much about the faith of those pioneer ancestors of his in such a special way...by experiencing even just a small portion of what they went through...he is forever changed. He expressed to us his admiration and appreciation for those early pioneers and the heart-breaking sacrifices that many of them made along the way.

The youth received letters from their grandparents while on the trek that were to give them encouragement and information about the pioneers. Kameron received two letters...one from Grandpa Joel and one from Grandma Judie. He particularly loved the one he got from Grandpa Joel. I will include it here.

May 23. 2017

Dear Kameron,

I am excited that you get to go on a Trek and experience and feel some of what your pioneer ancestors felt. Last year I went with our Stake youth on the trek and it was wonderful! I went as Archibald McPhail. He is from your mother's side of the family, her Great-Great Grandpa Archibald McKinnon had a sister Jane McPhail with the Willey Handcart Company. He was a captain of ten. In his group were two older ladies that he had to watch over and help. When they were near what is Green River Wyoming today one of the ladies did not show up for the night. He went back on the trail to find her. She was sitting in a frozen stream and said that she could not go any further. Archibald picked her up and carried her across the ice and it broke and he fell in and got wet to his waist. When they got back to camp his pants were frozen and from then on he was sick and had to ride in the wagon. When they got to Myers Crossing, near Evanston, Wyoming, three days from Salt Lake City his wife Jane was with him in the wagon with a small candle. She knew that he was dying and she prayed for the candle to last as long as he lived. He took his last breath when the candle went out. There is a monument at Myer's Crossing to honor him. I stop there whenever we are in the area to pay tribute to him for his dedication to his duty and to the gospel. What a good example for us to follow. 

When I was your age I lived in Lander, Wyoming and I had a job of staking mineral claims out in the South Pass area. We spent a lot of time walking back and forth across the Mormon Trail. One of the places that we put in a lot of claims was near the sixth crossing of the Sweetwater River where the Willey Handcart Company was waiting for the rescue party. Another time we camped two days near the place on the South Pass where the Willey Company buried thirteen members in one grave. They are both very sacred places to me.  I could feel the dedication to the gospel and the testimonies of those pioneers. 

I am so glad that you get to go on the Trek and to experience and feel what our ancestors must hae felt crossing the plains. It is my prayer that you will let this experience help you in the growth of your testimony. These experiences and those of my ancestor's experiences have helped my testimony to be strong. 

Love,

Grandpa Joel

Such a special letter from such a sweet grandpa! Reilly walked in honor of Jane McPhail (McKinnon) ....the wife of the man the Joel was talking about...when she went on the Trek. Kameron told us about so many neat experiences that he had on the trek and the relationships that he formed. He had such an incredible time. It was fun to hear the differences and similarities between Reilly's experience and Kameron's...such as The Womens Pull...from different perspectives. The Trek is an amazing learning and growing experience. I am so glad that Kameron was able to go...and Reilly too. I can't wait for Ailey and Bryn to have the opportunity to experience the Pioneer Trek as well.

Here is the video that our stake made about the trek. You will see a nice close up of the cutest boy in the world at 4:34 ..... plus he in there a few other times. :)




I love that the trek occurred before Pioneer Day this year. It made the day more significant and special with Kameron having just experienced this. On Pioneer Day, familysearch.org showed if you were related to pioneers, what companies they traveled with, and a bunch of other interesting information. It was really cool!! Tyler and I thought that it would be fun to see if any of our ancestors were in any of the same pioneer companies and might have traveled west together. We were so excited to find out that YES some of our ancestors did travel in the same wagon company together!! My Grandma McKinnon's Grandfather Daniel Vincent and his mother, father, and brother who were emigrants from Wales traveled west with the Henry Bryant Manning Jolley Company in 1852. Tyler's 3x Great-Grandfather WAS... HENRY BRYANT MANNING JOLLEY...the Captain of that company. Wow. There is something so beautiful in knowing that Tyler's family led my family to the Salt Lake Valley.  I am sure that they would get a kick out of knowing that some of their descendants ended up marrying one another and are still active in the faith that they paid such a high price to be able to practice 165 years ago.

Here is the Trek video from the year that Reilly went. She is all over the place in that video but she is interviewed at 17:06 about who she is walking in memory of.



I am grateful for my pioneer ancestors and for pioneer treks and for all of the countless hours that leaders put in to make this experience possible and so memorable for the youth and their families!!