We Interrupt July...

We Interrupt July for this Message

My child is moving away from home and out of state in 18 days. 18 days and her childhood is over and young adulthood begins. So many emotions. Last night she pretty much packed up her entire bedroom except for the clothes she will need for the next 18 days. She called me and Tyler to come downstairs and see. The three of us stood there, looked at each other, and had a moment. Then I went upstairs and cried. Change. Our family is changing and the change is good and necessary but... wow...is it bittersweet.

Kelley asked me the other day if Reilly heading to Utah for schooling made me feel old. No. I feel conflicted. I don't feel old. I feel 50% super excited for her. I remember this time in my life and it was awesome!! I feel 25% sad because I won't see her face every day. I love that face. I love our girl. Reilly has the talent of making me laugh hard; each and every day. It has saved her butt on MANY occasions. I will miss all the laughter and craziness that is Hurricane Reilly. She is loud and lives large. The other kids aren't like that. The house will be much quieter. I am 25% worried. She's 18 and Tyler and I still check on her at night. We like see that she is safe and sound in her bed. I worry that she will get abducted, fall while hiking, be cyber-stalked, or be lonely or...or... a million things. I wake up at night in a panic wondering if I have told her what to do and how to stay safe in various and random situations. I'm not the only one up in the night worrying. Tyler is too and he rarely worries. I can be tossing and turning all night about something and he will be sleeping soundly. Not these days.

I have rarely fretted over our parenting. I feel like we are good parents and have done a good job with our kids. They aren't perfect (nor are we) but they are loving, contributing, enjoyable human beings. Now it's time to see if we have actually done our job which is to prepare them to be independent and to live on their own. It reminds me of sending her off to kindergarten and the panic I felt wondering how she would do all day without me. (Just fine.) It actually reminds me more of when they sent her home from the hospital with us and Tyler and I were in a panic about keeping her alive. (She and we did just fine.) This is pretty much a combination of both of those terrors...sprinkled with joy that she is doing what she wants to be doing and living where she wants to be living and working toward her future. See... conflicted.

So while I am cheering her on and excited for her... I might cry at Walmart looking at the college supplies. I might cry in the shower when she gets a move in date for her apartment in Provo. I might cry when I see her life packed up in suitcases and bins. I might cry when I write this post and Tyler and I might hold each other close in the darkness of the night as we worry about our little girl heading out into the big world on her own.

So while some days are like this:

 and some days are like this:

Tyler and I are so proud of this girl and all her hard work to make her dreams come true. She'll be fine. I'll be fine; and Tyler and I will sleep through the night again.