3-14-22
My Greatest Possession❤
Good Mornin to my favorite peoples,
It has again...been a minute and I apologize but I want all of you to know how much I love you and how excited I am to return to all of you in a few short months. I promise I am still very much here haha soaking up the time I have left and embracing every new experience that comes my way but as my mission leader instructed oh so wisely, "Keep an eye on the future but both feet planted in the present." I am firm in where I am at but eye do be looking down the line, if yall catch my drift ;)
But with this email I wanted to take a few minutes of your time and talk to all of you about the thing that is my most precious possession, that is my testimony or MY personal witness. I love the ability to connect with people. A member shared with our congregation a few weeks ago that, "Connection requires vulnerability." So I'm going to get a lil bit vulnerable with all of you for the hope that you and I can connect a little bit more. Last night I felt very strongly about this email and the Spirit touched my heart letting me know that there was someone who needed to hear what I have to say so here I am following that prompting.
My testimony is first and foremost mine and mine alone. It didn't just come. It wasn't a sudden oh hey my testimony has arrived! It has been a process and honestly that's an understatement. It has required a lot of work, grueling trials, and tribulations. Everything from numbness to fear, depression to heartache, and this process is continuing to occur. There will never be moment in my life that I will ever confidently say I'm done working on my testimony. There is always something the Lord is trying to help me understand or wanting to help me become. It is ongoing and I can't think of a greater blessing then continuing in knowledge and personal revelation. It has been this process that the initial flame ignited by my parents spark has now grown into my own fire burning within. Steady, constant, and growing. But much like a fire, it needs fuel. With a bonfire we begin with small pieces of wood (and a wee bit of lighter fluid) and as it grows bigger, pieces of wood are placed in the fire, allowing the fire to surpass its initial potential and grow in size, warmth, light, and steadiness. My testimony continues to grow because of the logs or trials set before me that allow me to grow past my initial potential and burn bigger, brighter, and stronger then I ever previously could. It has been these experiences that allow me to continue to progress towards my divine potential. This has been my experience. Everyone's is a bit different. The Lord knows you, who you are, and who you can become. He has prepared a way for you. Now He is preparing YOU for this path.
My testimony is simple. I know that God is real. I cannot and will not deny that. I know that He is there. His guiding hand is so woven into the very fabric of my being that for me denying His existence would be denying the fact that I am sitting in my apartment right now writing this. I just can't. Now it wasn't always this way. I unknowingly struggled for years being unsure if God was even there. Satan's grasp was so tight around me that it blinded me for so long that I was missing everything happening around me. Everything I thought I had experienced suddenly was filling with doubt and uncertainty which led me to disregard it as something else and not God. I wanted to believe but I was so unsure that it ended up taking me away from all that I knew for about a year. I told myself I was trying to "find myself" and part of me was but the other part just wanted what I felt like would be something easier, less rules, no standards, less worries or expectations and what I thought was true "freedom." Suddenly a personal health crisis, a sudden death of a family member, and a cloud of depression hit, and I found myself at rock bottom. This stand still was then followed by a much needed abrupt awakening that allowed me to finally be humbled enough to know that this wasn't the life for me. I still didn't know what I wanted or where I should go or what was the path for me but I knew that it wasn't where I was headed. So I began to search for fulfillment and was slowly reminded of the feelings I once had when I was more consistently involved with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Along this process there was a constant thought of a mission planted in my brain and a conversation my wonderful parents had with me about the blessings that come from missionary service.
At this point my mission papers were delayed because of the said health crisis and so I was at a fork in the road. On the one hand, I could forget about the mission and continue in the life I was living which I knew wasn't fulfilling but it was still fun or I could trust in my parents advice and go on this mission. I figured the mission would give me time to figure things out and it would give me some good life experience if nothing else. Ultimately this small decision set off a chain reaction that now 2 years later has made all the difference.
A very wise friend of mine told me that it isn't the mission that changes you but it's the Atonement of Jesus Christ that changes you. (The Savior’s Atonement included His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and His suffering and death on the cross, and it ended with His Resurrection.) This triumph of Jesus Christ over spiritual death by His suffering and overcoming physical death by His Resurrection is called the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The word Atonement itself means at-one-with. It was the time when Christ became one with each of us allowing Him to best know how to help us in our afflictions. I am only beginning to realize the profound impact that idea that she said has. It is my act of submission to His will, allowing my will to be swallowed up in His, and my full reliance on His grace and mercy that has changed me into who I am today. This mission was only the format that allowed me to choose for myself who I want to become and that it is through the Atonement that I can get there and then go further to who He needs me to become.
I am not the same person I was when I left. I have changed because I know now that this is where I am supposed to be. The mission has been far from a walk in the park: it's hard. I have experienced things that I never thought I would both good and bad. There have been some incredible highs and some low lows. But it is this discomfort which pushed me to rely on my Savior to get me through and that has allowed me to get to this point where I can stand before you and bear my personal witness to each of you that again I know that God lives and that Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ love me. That they want me to be the very best version of me and are doing all that they can to help me get there. That, hand in hand, with the Bible and the Book of Mormon have changed everything for me. They have given me and continue to give me guidance, comfort, answers, and peace when I have needed it the most. I know that Joseph Smith was indeed called of God as a prophet in these latter-days and that through him they restored the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That we have a modern day prophet who receives modern revelation for us here on the earth today and who leads and guides this church under the direction of He whose church it is, and whose name I have the privilege of wearing on my chest everyday, Jesus Christ.
I know that there is a a great plan at work, that God is in the details of the details of the details of our lives. I know that prayer is powerful and that if we ask we will receive because in one way or another everything I have prayed for has been given to me. All this I know to be true because I have experienced it first hand. In the simplest words I can muster, and recognize the deep emotions behind this, when I say, God Loves You.
Lastly I want to share a scripture that has meant a lot to me. It is from the Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 1:15,
"But behold the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell, I have beheld His glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of His love."
This scripture is my testimony, He has redeemed my soul, I have beheld His glory and mercy, and I know that His loving arms are forever wrapped around me. That is the atonement of Jesus Christ, "To be redeemed—to be atoned—is to be received in the close embrace of our Redeemer. What a privilege! In His embrace we can receive His forgiveness. We can really be one with Him."
Thank you for supporting me in every step of my journey. I love each one of you and I look forward to seeing yall again. Until then, hope on and journey on. God is with you forever and ever. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Love y'all❤
-This picture has become everything to me tbh
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