Time Warp

Every so often something occurs that makes me feel the passage of time in my life. Last Sunday was one of those times. A time warp event occurred. When it happened it didn't really seem that dramatic or momentous. It was after the fact, when I found myself talking about it to Tyler and again when I was talking to the kids about it at Family Home Evening that I was struck by how meaningful it was in the life story of Kristin McClellan Johnson.

What was this significant event? Reilly was made Laurel president in her Young Women's organization. This, in and of itself, isn't that momentous. Everyone in our church is asked to serve and have callings...even the youth. Reilly has been Mia Maid president and served as 1st counselor in the the Beehive presidency. So what? When a member of the Bishopric pulled Tyler and I aside one Sunday to say that they were wanting to extend that call to Reilly it had zero effect on me other than...Okay! She'll do a great job.

It was only in the telling... that the significance revealed itself. It was only through actually speaking the words to others that made it notable. I casually said to Tyler, "Wow. This is the first time that Reilly has held a calling in Church that I have also held. When I was her age I was Laurel President too." In just speaking those words I got a lump in my throat and became emotional. I had no clue why. For some reason I thought that this was significant in regards to Reilly. It was only in saying those words aloud that it became apparent that the significance pertained to me.

When I was Reilly's age I started coming to church after a childhood of inactivity. I would drive Stacey and Kelley to our ward meeting house in Kansas City where we would attend by ourselves. The three of us would sit alone in a little side pew in the chapel feeling awkward and self-conscious. But I knew that it was where I needed to be...awkward or not. I distinctly remember thinking that some day I am going to sit on a bench like this with my husband and kids and then I won't ever feel awkward again.  I remember shyly attending YW that first Sunday. The bishop was in there for some reason. We were asked to introduce ourselves and he said, "How come I don't know you girls?" I nervously replied with "It's because we are inactive" and looked red-faced at the ground. He loudly said "Well, how can you be inactive if you are here?" After that we were welcomed into the ward and grew to love Young Womens. We had good leaders and fun activities and I was eventually called to be the Laurel President. I was responsible and organized and I took that calling seriously. I loved attending the meetings, organizing events, and reaching out to the other girls.

Still though...it was hard. The learning curve at church is something that I don't think members who have grown up in the church understand or the persistent and long-lasting fear that you are going to say the wrong thing. There is just so much to learn...so much new terminology, so many prophets...modern and ancient, so many scriptures stories that everyone around you seems to know so well...drawing not just from the Bible but all these other books. There were all these songs and hymns to learn. It was really overwhelming. It takes awhile to learn all of that stuff...a lot longer than you might think. I remember telling a woman I visit teach who was feeling overwhelmed by how much she "didn't know" that I, only in the last several years, I feel like I have FINALLY caught up! I love that there isn't a story from the scriptures that I don't know. No prophet, ancient or modern, that I haven't heard of...no song/hymn that I can't sing along with...for the most part.  I finally feel like I am on level ground with those around me.

So what struck me, very poignantly, in thinking about Reilly's new calling is how far I have come from being that girl. How far I have come from being that clueless yet earnest Laurel President who tried so hard. That particular time of my life doesn't seem that long ago. I remember it well. To think that now MY daughter is a Laurel president and has been active in the church her entire life amazes me. She has caught up to where I began, is light years ahead of where I was at that age, and just oozes with confidence. It filled me with such profound joy. My heart...like my pew at church...is full.  I am so grateful for the choices that the girl I once was made that put me on the path to where I am today.