I'm Back

I'm Back!

School is out! Farm Chicks is over! All 50 million recitals, concerts, performances, sports events, jury duty and big time intensive calling hoopla is over and I am breathing a sigh of relief. I have been running on empty for about 2 1/2 months. Now it is time to slow down and regroup. I am looking forward to it. It is also a time to return to this blog.

I am a journaler (I had to look that up and see if it was actually a word. It is.)  I am a record keeper. I like putting my thoughts and feelings into words. It clears my head. It creates order. It slows down time. I feel like my life doesn't fly by quite so quickly if I can write about it and create a record. I have truly missed doing that. Writing, exercise, prayer, and family. They are what keep me sane and provide me with clarity and perspective. So this blog is truly for me. I have no time to sit with pen and paper. I have no time to scrapbook (or interest) but blogging really fills this niche in my life. I can type way faster than I can write and I can insert pictures!! It gives me a voice and hopefully it will be a voice that can be heard not only by my children but by my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren.

I wish I had more journal records of my predecessors. I have a partial journal (a half filled notebook) from one grandma. It is full of sorrow at the demise of my parents marriage and her subsequent sadness at our moving away. It makes me sad but I appreciate it. Life isn't always happy happy joy joy. But I know that it was her truth at that time and I know that she was happy again and joy returned. I felt her humanity reading that half-filled notebook.

I've read snippets of the various journals of my other grandma. She has always been a great journaler...unfortunately not of things that are that helpful to the next generation. In the stolen glances I have had of her journal it was a shopping list of facts, things done, errands run, people who came to visit but completely void of emotion...and totally dull. What good is that? Did she ever use it to recall happy times? To remember what life was like? Trials she over came? Strengths she discovered? Spiritual experiences? I doubt it. She heard the prophet say to keep a journal and so she did. In the rare instances that any emotions were written about, it concerned people in the family who were not living the way she felt they should, or grandchildren who were being "little pills." Again, what is the value? I don't know.

This blog used to be about connecting to others out in the blogosphere. Now it is really about me connecting with myself. What are my thoughts and feelings? What is life like for me at 42? Where am I at spiritually? What are my struggles, strengths, triumphs, joys? There will be a run down of things that we have done of course...but hopefully it won't be a laundry list of errands and void of emotion.

My oldest child is officially a senior in high school today. Time is going by way too fast. This is my attempt to slow it down.