My mom texted all of us from Boise and told us that things there were going well. She was glad that this was her last *official* visit. She was supposed to fly home on Friday. Friday afternoon we got a phone call from my brother-in-law, Ramon, that St. Luke's Medical Center in Boise had called them to say that my mom was in the ER and unresponsive. At that point neither he nor Jordin knew what was going on and just dropped their kids off with friends and jumped in the car to head to Boise. While Ramon was on the phone with me (and driving to Boise) the hospital called my sister Jordin and told her that my mom had passed away. I was on the phone with Ramon and listening to Jordin screaming. It was the most horrible moment of my life. I couldn't even understand what he was saying... I had to hand the phone to Tyler who talked to him.
Apparently my mom had gone to the airport to fly home that afternoon but called Jordin (who is a nurse) to say that her leg was hurting and that she wasn't feeling well. She was contemplating getting on the plane and flying home and then getting checked out here. Jordin told her to definitely not get on the plane but to go right to the hospital and get checked out in Boise. It sounded like a DVT. I know my mom knew that's what it was. She had had this happen before. She drove herself to the hospital and went into the ER. By then she had labored breathing and wasn't doing well. She was at the desk signing herself in when she collapsed. They revived her and talked to her. They asked her name and she was responding when she crashed again. They ended up reviving her a couple times. They said that she fought hard. Unfortunately after the final time her body just gave out and she was gone. Official cause of death: Pulmonary Thromboembolism due to Deep Leg Vein Thrombosis incident to recent travel.
Jordin and Ramon continued on to Boise. Tyler called my brother Kirk and told him the news. My sisters called me... Jordin had called Stacey and Stacey called Kelley and both of them called me. I had to tell our kids. It was excruciating. Tyler called my cousin Jen who is a nurse in Boise to see if this was the hospital that she worked at. He then took over talking to the hospital in Boise, the chaplain, and the coroner. He talked to all of our relatives and took care of everything for me and my siblings. He was amazing. Kirk and Meki drove from SLC to the hospital in Boise. My cousin Jen dropped everything to sit with my mom until Kirk and Jordin got there. She stayed with my mom for hours. That act of service is one that I can never thank her enough for. Our family went over to Kelley's that night to grieve and be together. After doing what needed to be done in Boise... Kirk and Meki and Jordin and Ramon drove back up to the lake and met up with the rest of us. It was such a difficult time. Going into my mom's house was agonizing.
We had to make arrangements. My mom did not want a funeral or a traditional viewing. She wanted to be cremated. She wanted her ashes scattered in the lake like her brother Mike. Since she died on business the State of Boise had to conduct an investigation which took awhile. Tyler arranged for her transport back to North Idaho. Most of us wanted to be able to see her once more and to be able to say goodbye. While everyone was in town we made arrangements for her celebration of life and met with the mortuary. Since she was being cremated we scheduled her funeral for a time that would allow for my brother to have time off. His job doesn't allow for much time off even in family emergencies.
Once she was transported back to North Idaho which was almost a week and a half later we had a very small private family viewing at the funeral home. My sisters and I picked out her outfit. A crisp white shirt, pearls, black skirt... an outfit that was very Mom. It turned out to be the outfit that she wore on her 70th birthday. My family, Kelley and Elle, and Jordin and her family met at the funeral home one evening for our final goodbye. Stacey and her family decided not to come and Kirk and his family had said their goodbyes at the hospital in Boise.
Going into the chapel was hard. None of us knew what to prepare for. But dang her she looked good! She really did. She looked very much like herself. That was a huge comfort to all of us. Her hair and make up were on point. We even joked that she would be so happy that they got her "do" just right. She was well know for her bright red a-line bob and was stopped all the time by people asking where she got her hair done. We joked that only our mother would look good even in these circumstances.
The feeling that we had with her that night was one that I will never forget. I hold tight to the memory of it. The feelings that we had that night were ones of such love and comfort and peace. Sadness and yet such an understanding that this was not the end. That she is not gone...but elsewhere...and waiting for us. I had such a perfect knowledge that I would see her again. That brought comfort and even a weird sense of joy.
I brought flowers for all of us to place in the casket and some of the kids had written notes to her that would be cremated with her. We talked and hugged and said our goodbyes and Tyler said a family prayer. After we had all gone out and were back in the lobby something happened that really touched my heart. Reilly and Kameron went back in...just the two of them...to be with their Grandma Vic. I saw the two of them with their arms around each other standing by her casket and saying their special and private goodbyes. My mom's two oldest grandchildren by quite a few years. They had a special relationship with her. I am glad that they took that time with her by themselves. I am so extremely glad that I got to see my mom's beautiful face one last time in this life. I am so glad that I got to kiss her and tell her that I love her and that I will see her later. I needed that closure. I felt like she was very close to us and very present.
After that we needed to cheer ourselves up a bit so we went to the board walk on Lake Couer d' Alene. The sun was shining on the water. It was the perfect golden evening that my mom loved so much. We took some pictures before meeting Jordin and Ramon and their kids at the restaurant for
dinner.
Two weeks later when Kirk and his family came back to town we scattered my mom's ashes according to her wishes. Tyler and I picked up her ashes that we had placed in a simple wooden box and brought them back to the lake. The day before my mom's celebration of life we met as a family at the lake to honor her and to scatter her ashes.
Kirk and Tyler prepped the boat for my mom's final voyage.
While waiting for the rest of the family to arrive some time honored traditions were carried out:
I love the relationship that my brother has with our children. They adore him.
The scattering of my mom's ashes was a private event. Just our McClellan family: my siblings, our spouses, and our children. Tyler and Kirk prepped the box and I carried it to the dock and onto the boat. There is a cove across the lake that we love and that we thought would be a fitting final resting place. I love to think of her rising from the lake on Resurrection Morning. The Lady of the Lake.
Only the "Originals" went out on the boat. It was our last time (in this life) as a complete family.
The place that we chose was visible to rest of the family who remained on the dock. The day was cloudy and bitter cold.
Meki took these pictures and I am so grateful for them despite how difficult they are to look at.
I just noticed that Spiderman was there paying his respects. :)
That time was a very special time for all of us. We were able to share our feelings and gratitude for our mother. Kelley brought us all copies of this poem which we read. We took our time saying goodbye. We shared memories and toasted our mother and each took a turn scattering her ashes in the lake. After that we took a wild boat ride around the lake. We went fast, we spun circles, we did all of the things that my mom loved doing in her red ski boat. We laughed. We sobbed. We laughed again. How lucky we are to be Victoria McClellan's children. Almost on hour later we returned to the dock where these sweet sentinels had stood watch the entire time.
My brother in law Ramon built a bonfire and we gathered as a family to talk, share, reminisce, laugh, cry, and to burn the simple wood box that held my mother's ashes.
My mom's grandchildren.
(Back Row: Dane, Ailey, Kaiya, Reilly, and Kameron
Front Row: Kirin, Elle, Bryn, Jaylah, RJ, and River.
Not pictures: Kaiden and Tarren.)
It was hard and good. By this point we were emotionally drained. Just when we were at our lowest point the sun broke out. Beauty was everywhere.
After that our extended family began arriving and boy were we happy to see them. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, In-laws, friends...the house filled and buoyed us up that night.
It was so good to be with everyone. I don't know how we would have made it through. They helped us prep for the next day. They supported us in every possible way.
My mom's celebration of life was held at the golf club on the lake. It was the absolute perfect setting. It turned out so nice. We were all so happy with it.
The pictures don't do it justice and I barely took any pictures at all. But everything turned out so pretty. We had display tables, video, and food buffets in one room. Tables and bar in the other room. The weather was gorgeous and sunny so we were able to use the patio for tables too which was so pretty and looked out over the golf green. It was so crazy that the sun was shining and it was warm considering that there had been snow a week before and the kids even missed a day of school for a snow day.
Tyler and Kameron setting up the computer and TV to play the beautiful tribute video that Tyler made of my mom's life.
All of my mom's daughters and granddaughters wore one of my mom's necklaces. The granddaughters all had wrist corsages too and Kirk and all of the grandsons had boutonnieres.
Bryn and our niece Liv. She is the only other Johnson cousin besides our four kids. Tyler's brother Brett and his wife Marissa and their daughter Liv and Tyler's sister Lori all came and stayed for several days. They completely supported me and kept me afloat. I literally cannot say how much that meant to me. They were amazing!
Elle, Kirin, Bryn, Liv and Lola (my cousin Kellen's daughter.)
Ailey, Dane, and Kaiya
The Johnson men: Tyler, Kam, and Ty's brother Brett.
Kam is the only one to carry on the Johnson name.
This was one of the most poignant times during my mom's celebration. We had a bagpiper come. Bill is a friend and coworker of Tyler's and he is Kameron's old bagpipe teacher. He refused to let us pay him. We heard the music floating faintly in the middle of the open house. Then as Bill approached and walked through the restaurant and out onto the patio the music was loud and emotional. Everyone stopped mid conversation and all of our guests gathered to listen. There wasn't a dry eye. My mom would have loved it. My brother took this picture of me listening to Bill play.
This is the only picture that I took with anyone that day. It was at the very end of the celebration. The crowd had thinned and we were exhausted. This is a picture of my mom's ex-long-time-boyfriend Mike. We loved him so much and wanted desperately for my mom to marry him. She foolishly did not. They did remain good friends. When Mike walked in I burst into tears. It was such a relief and a comfort to have him there. He now lives in Kentucky. He was such a great *grandpa* to my kids for many years. Reilly and Kameron had a special relationship with him. It was so neat to have him there.
After everything was over we gathered back at the lake with family. That day was hard on another level. The night before and carrying into that morning my siblings and I had the biggest fight that we have ever had. Things still aren't resolved. I know that tensions, stress, and emotions were running high but there were some awful things said that can't be unsaid and it's sad that some felt that they had to act and say the things that they did. It was terrible and damage was done. For the most part we were able to compartmentalize that situation to get through the day.
My cousins and aunts and uncles were an unbelievable support to all of us. They were amazing! My Johnson family kept me functioning that whole weekend too. I was so grateful to have them there. They rented an airbnb on the lake and were close by. It was nice to be able to walk away from my family and all of the grief and tension and be able to go and be with them and take a break from it all for awhile.
View of the lake from their location further down the shoreline.
More rock skipping competitions: Brett, Liv, Bryn, Kaiya, and Ailey
Kam and Tyler joined in.
We brought Kaiya with us and she hung out with all the Johnsons one afternoon in Coeur d' Alene for a much needed respite.
All the Johnson minus Reilly who had to work that day.
The Originals: Lori, Brett, and Tyler
Brett, Marissa, and Liv
Cousins
I love the fact that Kirk and Meki include Brett, Marissa, Liv, and Lori in so many of their family gatherings. I love that our niece Liv often hangs out with our other niece Kaiya and our nephews Kaiden and Kirin. I love the blending of our families.
I love my sisters-in-law!
The best thing that ever happened to those Johnson boys!!
We definitely needed some ice cream!
By Monday all of our extended family had returned home. We were so grateful to have had all of their love and support. We had family fly in from as far away as Hawaii and Washington DC. We had family friends come from all over the United States. It truly meant the world to us to have so much love and support and to see, hear, and feel what my mom meant to all of them. Hers was undeniably a life well lived.
I love this picture of my mom laughing. She was such a force in the world. I am so blessed to have had her for 47 years. Her example is a guiding light to me. I love you Mom. Forever.
