Clinic Dedication

 

The days leading up to the dedication of the clinic were a tad stressful. Most of Kirk's family were trying not to get COVID and one member of his family was trying to get over it in time. We were also trying not to get COVID while everyone around us seemed to have it. We were doing everything that we could to make it to the dedication of my mom's clinic on January 8th. It was no easy task and it was down to the wire but we did it. As the day approached, everyone was COVID free and able to travel.

Kirk, Meki, their kids, and our friend Julie all left Salt Lake at 3:30 AM the day before to drive up here. I wish they would've flown but with COVID going nuts and flights being cancelled constantly; they opted to drive. They traveled on truly the worst possible roads. Terrifying actually. The roads were ice packed and it was still snowing. They passed four wrecked semis along the way. We were praying our guts out. They checked in with us at various check points along the way. It was nerve-wracking. 

At 1pm they got as far as St. Regis, Montana, which is about two hours from Spokane and 9 hours from SLC, when they closed the highway. A huge avalanche had come down at Look Out Pass (the biggest pass to go over between here and SLC). The avalanche came down and took out the ENTIRE freeway. All four lanes. Kirk was told at 1pm that the freeway would be closed for the rest of the day and most likely the next day too...if not the whole weekend. They tried to change routes and go the Clark Fork way but that route was closed due to black ice and extreme avalanche danger too. They were stuck and the snow was still coming down. We were all in a panic. They managed to get the very last motel room in little ol' St. Regis and decided to hunker down for the rest of the day and night while hoping and praying that Clark Fork would be passable in the morning. Things did NOT look good. We were all freaking out. The avalanche warning for all of that area showed it lasting for the next 24 hours. The dedication was scheduled for 2 pm the next day.

They stocked up on snacks at the gas station and played games and hoped that things would clear by tomorrow. We were all SUPER disappointed. They were so close!!

Meanwhile my cousin, Paul, was traveling to Spokane from Portland. His roads weren't great but they weren't quite as bad and he didn't have to go over any major mountain passes. He arrived in Spokane safe and sound that evening. Tyler and I met up with him and we all went out for dinner at The Maxx. Paul was fun and kept us laughing and distracted from worrying about Kirk and Meki. We had a great time and went to bed that night hoping and praying for the best.

We woke up the next morning to a text from Meki saying that they were almost to Thompson Falls, MT. Hallelujah! Kirk monitored the roads and weather conditions throughout the night and they left super early that morning. They had to go a longer route that took them further north into Montana and then they had to cross over into Idaho and on down to Sandpoint. Then they had to drive two more hours to get to Spokane where they were hoping that they would have time to shower and get ready before driving back to Sandpoint! I was a nervous wreck and the roads were garbage but they did it! They arrived in Spokane around 10am and we were so darn happy to see them!!

Kirk, Meki, Julie, and my cousin Paul were all staying at the same hotel. We met up with them at 11am. We had time to visit with them and talk about managing our expectations, emotions, and anxiety for the day. Then we all caravanned up to Sandpoint. We met up with Reilly and Hunter at the clinic. Our group was the first to arrive. It actually worked out really well that way. We had some decompression time. Emotions were heightened with all of the travel difficulties, weather, and stress. Kevin and his wife Lori were the next to arrive. Kevin is my mom's replacement and the current CEO. My mom had been prepping him for years to take over for her when she retired. He was all smiles and let us into the clinic. I was glad that we were the first ones to arrive because as we walked in the door we immediately saw this:

 Each of the three panels are poster sized. It kind of took our breath away.

Seeing my mom's beautiful face and reading the words, "Welcome to the Victoria McClellan King Clinic" made us all quite emotional.

I was glad that we had time to read the panels, hug one another, and be emotional. The clinic is absolutely beautiful. We got to walk around a bit as we waited for the public to arrive. My cousin, Justin, and his wife Hannah were the next to arrive. It was nice to have them there and to feel their support.

Then the public started filtering in. Community members, city council members, patients, employees, and my mom's colleagues. My sisters arrived with two of my uncles, an aunt, and a cousin. I've seen Stacey and Kelley since all of the lake stuff went down but Kirk had not. We greeted Kelley and Jordin and exchanged hugs and small talk. Stacey ignored us and refused to speak to us. My nieces were there and it was good to see them. We really miss Elle. It was good to give her a big hug. Ailey, Bryn, and Kaiya were so happy to see their cousins and they all went off together. Stacey's husband, John, and their son Dane didn't come. Ailey and Kaiya were sad about that. They were really hoping to see Dane. Kelley's boyfriend, Chris, wasn't there either and neither were Jordin's husband, Ramon, and their kids. 

Then it was time for the ribbon cutting ceremony. We all headed outside to participate.

Left to Right: Hunter, Reilly, Bryn, Kirin, Meki, Kirk, Me, Tyler, Kaiya, Ailey, Jordin, Elle, Kelley, River, Stacey.

Kevin asked for my mom's family to come forward for the ribbon cutting. I was disappointed that my aunt, two uncles, and one cousin also came up. This honor was for our mom. This was a symbolic act for my mother's children and grandchildren who were there representing her. Our other cousins stayed in the crowd, observed, and took pictures. The two siblings of my mom's, while I can understand them wanting to come and honor her, they were not siblings who were particularly supportive of her career...especially her sister. My mom's sister wasn't supportive of anything that my mother ever did. If anyone else should have come up it should have been our cousins who stayed in the crowd because their dad was a wonderful supporter of my mom's career. My mom and her brother, Mike, were professional cheerleaders and career sounding boards for one another. My mom always said, "Mike is the only one who gets it!" *It* being the corporate world. It felt fraudulent that his children should remain in the crowd while these other family members jumped up to participate. Annoying. I cropped them out of the picture. I know in my heart that my mom and her brother, Mike, were both there in spirit and that they are still supporting one another. Gosh I miss them. Then it was back inside the clinic for several speeches. Kevin gave a very touching speech about my mom.

Afterward we were given a tour of the large and beautiful clinic. It is such a blessing to this community. It is an integrated health clinic that in addition to providing medical services also includes dental, behavioral health, pediatric, and VA care. They also provide outpatient opiate-addiction and substance abuse therapy and have a mobile clinic for rural areas. I was blown away seeing so many of my mom's plans, hopes, and dreams for this community come to fruition. She would have been so proud of her team and their accomplishments!!

There was a photographer taking pictures of the event. She wanted to get some shots of Mom's family. These are pictures taken by family members while the photographer was taking pictures of us.

The photographer kept wanting us to get closer and closer together for the pictures which was awkward. Kirk jokingly said, "Maybe we should be doing this in one of the behavioral health rooms." We all laughed except for Stacey. She couldn't even rally for just a few hours. She struggled to smile in any of the pictures. This was the best of about 20 different pictures of the five of us. (I later heard that she asked the photographer to take a picture of her by herself and wanted it photoshopped into the group picture.) She spent all of the time that we were there crying and had to be taken outside "for some fresh air" by our aunt. She refused to speak to any of us including our spouses and children. You could see that all of her anger, bitterness, and hatred were only hurting her. She oozes unhappiness. Kirk and I actually felt pity for her despite all of the incredibly despicable things that she has done to us. My mother would have expected... nay demanded... that we rally and put aside our differences for the event. It's unfortunate that some were unable to do so.

Awkward family photo.

(Most of these people aren't speaking to at least someone in the picture. Reilly kills me cheesing at the extreme awkwardness of it all.) 

Back Row: My cousin Justin, Kirk, my cousin Paul, Tyler, me, River, Stacey, my Aunt Marji, my Uncle Dennis, my Uncle Steve.

Third Row: Justin's wife Hannah, Kaiya, Reilly, Kelley, and Kellen

Second Row: Meki, Ailey, Bryn, Elle, Jordin

Front Row: Kirin

I talked to and hugged all of my cousins and my Uncle Dennis. My Aunt Marji was standing right next to Dennis and refused to speak to me and gave me the death stare. My Uncle Steve avoided me and my  family. Whatever. It is rather unbelievable though that both my Aunt Marji and my Uncle Steve wanted to sell the lake house and wanted to be paid out for their share when THEY inherited the lake property... and they WERE!! Yet they are furious that Kirk and I requested the same? It makes no sense. Their anger and incivility...what does it avail them? Absolutely nothing. 

On a happier note...I was glad that my kids and their cousins were able to have some fun together. They are the true casualties of this dysfunction and they don't deserve it. 

TikToks were made! 

After the event was over; we went our separate ways. We went with our group to Matchwood Brewery to get something to eat, drink, and to take a bit of a breather.

 Julie, Hunter, Reilly, Paul, Justin, Hannah, Tyler, Me, Kirk, and Meki

Those who needed one got a drink and we ordered a bunch of appetizers and processed what we had just been through. Kirk and I could finally take a deep breath. We were glad to have been there and to have participated. It was wonderful to be a part of this incredible honor for our mother.  It was a privilege for us to represent her. We are so proud to be her children. It was also an unexpected gift to have one more reason to celebrate her.

After that we said goodbye to Justin and Hannah and we all drove back to Spokane. We had late dinner reservations in town and it was nice to be able to put all of the events of the day behind us and to laugh and enjoy ourselves.

Don't leave your phone lying around. LOL.

After dinner we all hung out together (Paul included). Ailey and Kaiya drove off to hang out and squeeze in as much cousin time as they could get before Kaiya had to leave the next day. They rolled in around 1am. At 6 am the next morning Kirk and family and Julie headed back to SLC and later that day Paul headed home to Portland. I was so glad that everyone got home safely and had uneventful trips. I was so grateful to have all been together even for a short time. I appreciated the love and support shown to us by friends and family.

You don't realize the emotional toll that highly charged events like this can take on you physically but the toll is real. I've learned over the last two years to just submit to it. Don't fight it. We all stayed home from church the next day. It was complete mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. We had a down day. We did absolutely nothing. We slept, relaxed, lounged around, and had food delivered. We took care of ourselves and we recuperated.

We later found out that Stacey's daughter had COVID while at the dedication. Her daughter tested positive the very next day. Thank heavens none of us got it and I hope that no one else that was there did either. The clinic was full of all kinds of people of varying ages and health situations. No one did the responsible thing of letting those who were present know that they had been exposed. I happened to randomly hear about this later from someone who wasn't even at the dedication. Disappointing.

As I've had time to reflect on this event over the last several weeks; my over arching emotion is one of joy and celebration. A celebration of an incredible woman and her incredible career. I'm grateful that I didn't allow the behavior and actions of others to tarnish a special day in my life. I am extremely grateful for my mother and the guiding light that she has always been in my life and and continues to be.

Way to go Vicki Jo!! We love you!! Always!!

A Christmas Miracle

While out celebrating my friend Mary's birthday, I had something incredible occur. Miraculous even. One of our stops was at Boulevard Mercantile. This is an upscale antique store in Spokane. Several of my friends are vendors there and it is a beautiful place and a favorite of hipsters. It is curated in a lovely way that flows and delights the eye. It isn't your grandma's antique store. In that way it is similar to Midtown Market in CDA but where Midtown is light and bright...Boulevard is like its moody older Ivy league sister. It's darker and more sophisticated whereas Midtown is trendier. I digress but both stores are fantastic. 

That day I shopped around and spent some time in my friends' sections and found some vintage Christmas items that I collect. I wandered to the front of the store which is a section that isn't curated by anyone that I know. There was a big antique silver punch bowl by the front windows. It was filled to the brim with vintage ornaments and there was a sign that said $4 each. As I was gently digging through the punch bowl looking at the ornaments, I found a beautiful German glass bell and an incredibly old and delicate German frosted pinecone. Those German glass pinecones are a favorite at our house. I am always on the hunt for them.  As I was marveling at my good fortune another ornament caught my eye. It had been unearthed in the punch bowl as I sorted through its contents. I stared at it in astonishment. It was an ornament made by my mother. I picked it up and began to cry.

My mom was an ornament aficionado and snob. She started our whole ornament tradition. She got us all hooked on German glass ornaments especially antique ones. She would search all year for the most perfect and meaningful ornaments for each of us. Many times they were antique. She never once gave us a Hallmark type ornament or one from somewhere like Target. 

Often she would make the ornaments herself. Her creations are gorgeous. She ordered vintage tinsel and vintage German glass glitter online and made these incredibly sumptuous ornaments. They are treasures. When we started Sisters Creed she would often make ornaments for Christmas shows and would sell them in our booth along with the rest of our vintage Christmas merchandise. Every year she would design a couple of different varieties and if she really liked her designs she would keep one or two different ones back and make them extra special for family members. But that was only if she felt like there was meaning in it for them. Not one of us ever got the same ornament and that included all of the grandchildren. It was always really fun to see what Mom had either picked out or designed for each of us and why. Often my mom and I would be shopping together when she would find a special ornament for someone and I would be sworn to secrecy.

As I held this decorated gold ball in my hand I knew instantly that it was one of hers. I know her style. I know her handiwork. I wondered how it ended up there. It isn't vintage. This section didn't belong to anyone who knew her. This isn't a thrift store where someone would have donated it. With my heart pounding I added it to my stash and bought it at the register.

The next morning I started doubting myself and was almost afraid to pull it out of the bag. I began to think that I was deluding myself and wanting the ornament to be something that it wasn't. I so wanted my mother to give me just one more ornament for Christmas and I was making up stories in my head. As I sat on the couch that morning, I happened to glance at the tree, and I saw an ornament that my mother had given me several years ago. It was the same ornament as the one I just found only mine had been glammed up and made extra special for me by my mom. I pulled the ornament that I purchased from the bag and held it up next to my ornament on the tree with shaking hands. It was a match. The same picture. The same trim. Her hands made it and I knew it. It was one of the quick ones that she had whipped out for a Christmas show. Someone must have purchased it and then it somehow found its way into a store that I love and then into my hands. What are the chances?

Sometimes I look for signs that my mom is watching over me and sending me messages. It feels like wishful thinking. I am usually disappointed. I wish that I felt her near more often. I wish that she sent me messages from the other side. I wish that there were symbolic things that I see that are meaningful. But there almost never are. I've had a couple of experiences and even those I begin to doubt over time. But this...this felt different. It felt personal. It felt real. It felt significant. It felt like her and something that she would do. Something that I would know was from her without a doubt. And so I believe. 

Thank you, Mom, for one more special Christmas ornament. One that had a special significance to both you and I especially as I remembered why you gave me the original ornament in the first place. Thank you for this new one that came during a very difficult year. A year that I really needed to feel your love for me deep in my bones. 

We always write our initials and the year on our ornaments. I wrote on this one: 

To: KMJ

From: VJM

Christmas 2021

A Celebration of a Life

I can't close out 2019 until I write this post. It needs to be written for family history's sake. But this is a tough one. My mom passed away on Friday September 13, 2019. She was traveling for business for Kaniksu Health. She was their CEO. She was meeting with the Idaho State Legislature in Boise. She was the president of the board for the IPCA (Idaho Primary Care Association). She was stepping down from this position after several years and this was her final visit to Boise. She flew to Boise on September 11th and sent a text to me and my sisters saying how eerie it was to be flying on September 11th. My sister Kelley joked and said that she should be more worried about flying back on Friday the 13th. I think my mom had some kind of premonition about flying... I think she had a bad feeling about it. Later when we went to look for all of her paperwork and her will we were stunned to find it all in a folder lying on her bed.

My mom texted all of us from Boise and told us that things there were going well. She was glad that this was her last *official* visit. She was supposed to fly home on Friday. Friday afternoon we got a phone call from my brother-in-law, Ramon, that St. Luke's Medical Center in Boise had called them to say that my mom was in the ER and unresponsive. At that point neither he nor Jordin knew what was going on and just dropped their kids off with friends and jumped in the car to head to Boise. While Ramon was on the phone with me (and driving to Boise) the hospital called my sister Jordin and told her that my mom had passed away. I was on the phone with Ramon and listening to Jordin screaming. It was the most horrible moment of my life. I couldn't even understand what he was saying... I had to hand the phone to Tyler who talked to him.

Apparently my mom had gone to the airport to fly home that afternoon but called Jordin (who is a nurse) to say that her leg was hurting and that she wasn't feeling well. She was contemplating getting on the plane and flying home and then getting checked out here. Jordin told her to definitely not get on the plane but to go right to the hospital and get checked out in Boise. It sounded like a DVT. I know my mom knew that's what it was. She had had this happen before. She drove herself to the hospital and went into the ER. By then she had labored breathing and wasn't doing well. She was at the desk signing herself in when she collapsed. They revived her and talked to her. They asked her name and she was responding when she crashed again. They ended up reviving her a couple times. They said that she fought hard. Unfortunately after the final time her body just gave out and she was gone. Official cause of death: Pulmonary Thromboembolism due to Deep Leg Vein Thrombosis incident to recent travel.

Jordin and Ramon continued on to Boise. Tyler called my brother Kirk and told him the news. My sisters called me... Jordin had called Stacey and Stacey called Kelley and both of them called me. I had to tell our kids. It was excruciating. Tyler called my cousin Jen who is a nurse in Boise to see if this was the hospital that she worked at. He then took over talking to the hospital in Boise, the chaplain, and the coroner. He talked to all of our relatives and took care of everything for me and my siblings. He was amazing. Kirk and Meki drove from SLC to the hospital in Boise. My cousin Jen dropped everything to sit with my mom until Kirk and Jordin got there. She stayed with my mom for hours. That act of service is one that I can never thank her enough for. Our family went over to Kelley's that night to grieve and be together.  After doing what needed to be done in Boise... Kirk and Meki and Jordin and Ramon drove back up to the lake and met up with the rest of us. It was such a difficult time. Going into my mom's house was agonizing.

We had to make arrangements. My mom did not want a funeral or a traditional viewing. She wanted to be cremated. She wanted her ashes scattered in the lake like her brother Mike. Since she died on business the State of Boise had to conduct an investigation which took awhile. Tyler arranged for her transport back to North Idaho. Most of us wanted to be able to see her once more and to be able to say goodbye. While everyone was in town we made arrangements for her celebration of life and met with the mortuary. Since she was being cremated we scheduled her funeral for a time that would allow for my brother to have time off. His job doesn't allow for much time off even in family emergencies.

Once she was transported back to North Idaho which was almost a week and a half later we had a very small private family viewing at the funeral home. My sisters and I picked out her outfit. A crisp white shirt, pearls, black skirt... an outfit that was very Mom. It turned out to be the outfit that she wore on her 70th birthday. My family, Kelley and Elle, and Jordin and her family met at the funeral home one evening for our final goodbye. Stacey and her family decided not to come and Kirk and his family had said their goodbyes at the hospital in Boise.

Going into the chapel was hard. None of us knew what to prepare for. But dang her she looked good! She really did. She looked very much like herself. That was a huge comfort to all of us. Her hair and make up were on point. We even joked that she would be so happy that they got her "do" just right. She was well know for her bright red a-line bob and was stopped all the time by people asking where she got her hair done. We joked that only our mother would look good even in these circumstances.

The feeling that we had with her that night was one that I will never forget. I hold tight to the memory of it. The feelings that we had that night were ones of such love and comfort and peace. Sadness and yet such an understanding that this was not the end. That she is not gone...but elsewhere...and waiting for us. I had such a perfect knowledge that I would see her again. That brought comfort and even a weird sense of joy.

I brought flowers for all of us to place in the casket and some of the kids had written notes to her that would be cremated with her. We talked and hugged and said our goodbyes and Tyler said a family prayer. After we had all gone out and were back in the lobby something happened that really touched my heart. Reilly and Kameron went back in...just the two of them...to be with their Grandma Vic. I saw the two of them with their arms around each other standing by her casket and saying their special and private goodbyes. My mom's two oldest grandchildren by quite a few years. They had a special relationship with her. I am glad that they took that time with her by themselves. I am so extremely glad that I got to see my mom's beautiful face one last time in this life. I am so glad that I got to kiss her and tell her that I love her and that I will see her later. I needed that closure. I felt like she was very close to us and very present.

After that we needed to cheer ourselves up a bit so we went to the board walk on Lake Couer d' Alene. The sun was shining on the water. It was the perfect golden evening that my mom loved so much. We took some pictures before meeting Jordin and Ramon and their kids at the restaurant for
dinner.

I was filled with gratitude for my mom, for my family, and most importantly for the knowledge that families are forever.

Two weeks later when Kirk and his family came back to town we scattered my mom's ashes according to her wishes. Tyler and I picked up her ashes that we had placed in a simple wooden box and brought them back to the lake. The day before my mom's celebration of life we met as a family at the lake to honor her and to scatter her ashes.

Kirk and Tyler prepped the boat for my mom's final voyage.

While waiting for the rest of the family to arrive some time honored traditions were carried out:

I love the relationship that my brother has with our children. They adore him.

The scattering of my mom's ashes was a private event. Just our McClellan family: my siblings, our spouses, and our children. Tyler and Kirk prepped the box and I carried it to the dock and onto the boat. There is a cove across the lake that we love and that we thought would be a fitting final resting place. I love to think of her rising from the lake on Resurrection Morning. The Lady of the Lake.

Only the "Originals" went out on the boat. It was our last time (in this life) as a complete family.

The place that we chose was visible to rest of the family who remained on the dock. The day was cloudy and bitter cold.

Meki took these pictures and I am so grateful for them despite how difficult they are to look at.

 I just noticed that Spiderman was there paying his respects. :)

That time was a very special time for all of us. We were able to share our feelings and gratitude for our mother. Kelley brought us all copies of this poem which we read. We took our time saying goodbye. We shared memories and toasted our mother and each took a turn scattering her ashes in the lake. After that we took a wild boat ride around the lake. We went fast, we spun circles, we did all of the things that my mom loved doing in her red ski boat. We laughed. We sobbed. We laughed again. How lucky we are to be Victoria McClellan's children. Almost on hour later we returned to the dock where these sweet sentinels had stood watch the entire time.

My brother in law Ramon built a bonfire and we gathered as a family to talk, share, reminisce, laugh, cry, and to burn the simple wood box that held my mother's ashes.

My mom's grandchildren.

(Back Row: Dane, Ailey, Kaiya, Reilly, and Kameron

Front Row: Kirin, Elle, Bryn, Jaylah, RJ, and River.

Not pictures: Kaiden and Tarren.)

It was hard and good. By this point we were emotionally drained. Just when we were at our lowest point the sun broke out. Beauty was everywhere.

I don't know what you do in your family when you are sad and in pain and there has been hours of crying... but in our family our mother taught us to crank up the music and dance! That is just what we did. I know she approved!

After that our extended family began arriving and boy were we happy to see them. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, In-laws, friends...the house filled and buoyed us up that night.

It was so good to be with everyone. I don't know how we would have made it through. They helped us prep for the next day. They supported us in every possible way.

My mom's celebration of life was held at the golf club on the lake. It was the absolute perfect setting. It turned out so nice. We were all so happy with  it.

The pictures don't do it justice and I barely took any pictures at all. But everything turned out so pretty. We had display tables, video, and food buffets in one room. Tables and bar in the other room. The weather was gorgeous and sunny so we were able to use the patio for tables too which was so pretty and looked out over the golf green. It was so crazy that the sun was shining and it was warm considering that there had been snow a week before and the kids even missed a day of school for a snow day.

Tyler and Kameron setting up the computer and TV to play the beautiful tribute video that Tyler made of my mom's life.

All of my mom's daughters and granddaughters wore one of my mom's necklaces. The granddaughters all had wrist corsages too and Kirk and all of the grandsons had boutonnieres.

Bryn and our niece Liv. She is the only other Johnson cousin besides our four kids. Tyler's brother Brett and his wife Marissa and their daughter Liv and Tyler's sister Lori all came and stayed for several days. They completely supported me and kept me afloat. I literally cannot say how much that meant to me. They were amazing!

Elle, Kirin, Bryn, Liv and Lola (my cousin Kellen's daughter.)

Ailey, Dane, and Kaiya

The Johnson men: Tyler, Kam, and Ty's brother Brett. 

Kam is the only one to carry on the Johnson name.

This was one of the most poignant times during my mom's celebration. We had a bagpiper come. Bill is a friend and coworker of Tyler's and he is Kameron's old bagpipe teacher. He refused to let us pay him. We heard the music floating faintly in the middle of the open house. Then as Bill approached and walked through the restaurant and out onto the patio the music was loud and emotional. Everyone stopped mid conversation and all of our guests gathered to listen. There wasn't a dry eye. My mom would have loved it. My brother took this picture of me listening to Bill play.

That day is a such blur. There were so many people and so much love for my mom shared that day. I didn't eat or drink one thing the entire day.  I just moved from group to group...talking to people and thanking them for coming and listening to their stories.

This is the only picture that I took with anyone that day. It was at the very end of the celebration. The crowd had thinned and we were exhausted. This is a picture of my mom's ex-long-time-boyfriend Mike. We loved him so much and wanted desperately for my mom to marry him. She foolishly did not. They did remain good friends. When Mike walked in I burst into tears. It was such a relief and a comfort to have him there. He now lives in Kentucky. He was such a great *grandpa* to my kids for many years. Reilly and Kameron had a special relationship with him. It was so neat to have him there.

After everything was over we gathered back at the lake with family. That day was hard on another level. The night before and carrying into that morning my siblings and I had the biggest fight that we have ever had. Things still aren't resolved. I know that tensions, stress, and emotions were running high but there were some awful things said that can't be unsaid and it's sad that some felt that they had to act and say the things that they did. It was terrible and damage was done. For the most part we were able to compartmentalize that situation to get through the day. 

My cousins and aunts and uncles were an unbelievable support to all of us. They were amazing! My Johnson family kept me functioning that whole weekend too. I was so grateful to have them there. They rented an airbnb on the lake and were close by. It was nice to be able to walk away from my family and all of the grief and tension and be able to go and be with them and take a break from it all for awhile.

View of the lake from their location further down the shoreline.

More rock skipping competitions: Brett, Liv, Bryn, Kaiya, and Ailey

Kam and Tyler joined in.

We brought Kaiya with us and she hung out with all the Johnsons one afternoon in Coeur d' Alene for a much needed respite.

All the Johnson minus Reilly who had to work that day.

The Originals: Lori, Brett, and Tyler

Brett, Marissa, and Liv

Cousins

I love the fact that Kirk and Meki include Brett, Marissa, Liv, and Lori in so many of their family gatherings. I love that our niece Liv often hangs out with our other niece Kaiya and our nephews Kaiden and Kirin. I love the blending of our families.

I love my sisters-in-law!

The best thing that ever happened to those Johnson boys!!

We definitely needed some ice cream!

By Monday all of our extended family had returned home. We were so grateful to have had all of their love and support. We had family fly in from as far away as Hawaii and Washington DC. We had family friends come from all over the United States. It truly meant the world to us to have so much love and support and to see, hear, and feel what my mom meant to all of them. Hers was undeniably a life well lived.

I love this picture of my mom laughing. She was such a force in the world. I am so blessed to have had her for 47 years. Her example is a guiding light to me. I love you Mom. Forever.