52 Week Challenge: Question 6

52 Week Challenge: Question 6

Have any of your family members died? If so, what did they die from? What do you remember of their deaths? What were the circumstances of their deaths?

TYLER:

My father passed away when I was 22 years old. My dad died on November 11, 1993. My parents had divorced while I was on my mission. When I came home the house that I had grown up in had been sold and my mom was living in Ephraim, Utah with my brother Brett. My sister Lori and her husband ( at the time) Jeff were living in Germany where he was stationed with the Air Force. When I returned home I moved into a condo with my dad in Orem, Utah. Dad and I were living together when he passed away. I was going to college and working at Wordperfect at the time. The day he died I was at Kristin's apartment. The Utah Country Sheriff's Department tracked me down there through a crazy network of friends. My dad had a heart attack next to his car in the parking lot of our condo. He was discovered by one of our neighbors who called 911. He was rushed to Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I was told that my dad had been taken to the hospital and to get there as quickly as I could. They didn't answer any other questions. I was just told to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Kristin and I headed there and quickly realized that things didn't look good. The hospital staff took us into a private room and informed me of my father's death. I then was given a few minutes with him and I had to sign paper work and fill out donor information. It was a good thing that Kris was with me that day. She was so supportive. I also found out that my father had died immediately upon having his heart attack.

My dad had had rheumatic fever when he was a child. It had weakened his heart and left him with scar tissue on his heart. He was also a Type 2 diabetic and had been diagnosed with heart disease a few years before he died. He had had several minor heart attacks prior to his passing. He had also had an angioplasty done and had been walking regularly to improve his activity level. About a month earlier he had been into his cardiologist for a check up and his EKG showed that he was doing well. His death came as a shock.

I was the one to call all the family. My sister, Lori, flew in from Germany. Lori, Brett, and I made all the arrangements and planned his funeral. It was a very difficult time. I was the sole responsible party. I was the executor of his will. I also gave the eulogy at his funeral. I was the one who cleaned out our apartment, put furniture into storage, cleaned out his office, paid off the last of his bills, and finalized his estate. I also had to find a place to live for myself. I moved into BYU housing. It was a difficult experience and I had to learn and grow in ways that I never had before as a 22 year old.

Two weeks after my dad died, Kristin invited me up to her family's lake house in Northern Idaho for Thanksgiving. We had been dating for about 4 months at the time. I hit it off right away with her Grandpa Ellersick. He took me under his wing that trip. His own father had died at the same age as mine... 58 years old. He knew what I was feeling and knew just what to say. I remember that he told me that the day your father dies you stop being a boy and become a man. No truer words have ever been spoken.

It was interesting that my own son was born 7 years later on November 11th (the anniversary of my dad's death). Kameron's birth helped turn a sad day into a happy one. Kameron is my dad's only grandson. The last of the Johnson line.

KRISTIN:

Well, that's a dreary topic. Not all of these questions are fun to write about are they? I guess I will discuss my grandparents. I was blessed with absolutely amazing grandparents on both sides including my step-dad's mother (My Nana) and grandmother who are as much grandparents to me as my blood relations.

The first of my grandparents to die was my Grandma McKinnon. (My dad's mom). It was hard. We lived in the same town (Provo) and I saw her at least once a week. Tyler and I were newlyweds then and we went to my grandparents house a lot. My grandma loved Tyler and just thought that he was the greatest guy ever. The last time I saw her we had gone over to their house to tell them that I was pregnant with Reilly. She was one of the people that I was the most excited to tell our news to because I knew that she would be so excited and she was! She was one of those people who lived and breathed for her grandchildren. She called me, Stacey, and Kelley her "Little Sweethearts" even after we were all in college. I knew that she would flip out to have a great-grandchild on the way. I remember her looking at me and saying, "Are you kidding me? You better not be kidding me. It's not nice to tease Grandma!" We had a great visit. The next weekend we went to Rexburg for my cousin, Jaymon's, mission farewell. We got the call early that morning in our hotel room from my mom telling us that Grandma had passed away. It was unexpected and she hadn't been ill. She was 84 years old. It was really hard losing her...the first of the grandparents to go... and I always wished that she could have lived to see Reilly. She would've loved having another "Little Sweet Heart" to spoil.

My Grandpa McKinnon outlived my Grandma by about 4 1/2 years. I worried that my Grandpa wouldn't fair very well without my Grandma but he rallied pretty well. He kept himself busy working on his farm, going fishing with his fishing buddy about 6 days a week, going to the Senior Center for lunch everyday, and even made himself a special lady friend. I think he knew that he had to stay busy and so he did. He used to make me cry with laughter telling me about all the "widow women" at the senior center and at church who were "after him". Tyler and I got him a baseball hat one year for his birthday that said "Women love me and fish fear me". He thought that was hilarious and wore that hat all the time.

He was in pretty good health up until the last year of his life when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had smoked during WWII and gave that up when he came home from the war but he had also worked at the Geneva Steel Plant, which was an emissions nightmare, and I am convinced that was most likely the culprit. The last year he declined rapidly. He was on an oxygen tank and that kept him house bound for the most part and he hated it. No more fishing...no going to the senior center...no working on the farm. My Uncle Clayton and his wife, Emily, lived in his house with him. The last five months of his life he was really sick. He was a terrible patient and refused to eat and didn't want to have hospice come daily. My uncle and his wife worked during the day so me, Stacey, and Kelley took turns driving to Provo (we all lived in Salt Lake by then) every day to check on him. We would bring him lunch, force him to eat it, and to take his medication. He listened to us better than anyone else, which still wasn't that great, but he liked us visiting plus we knew all of his favorite foods. Every day for about 4 months one of us visited him. That was the summer that I was HUGELY PREGNANT with Kameron. Every third day Reilly and I would drive to Provo to go visit Papa McKinnon as Reilly called him. We would bring him cheeseburgers and milk shakes, grilled cheese and french fries, Twinkies, Ding Dongs, ice cream, and always an icy cold Coke. He would usually at least eat some of the food we brought and eventually take his medication because he "couldn't take all the nagging!" Ha ha!

Grandpa and Reilly had a special relationship. He adored her. He played and played with her. He would read books with her. He loved to watch Barney with her. I would bring Barney videos with me to entertain her while I helped my grandpa but he always wanted to watch them with her. He would say to Reilly, "Are we gonna watch Barney or what?!" She would climb up onto his lap in his recliner and snuggle right up to him. She didn't care about his oxygen tubes or his hacking cough. She loved being with him. Every time I think about that summer I can see the two of them sitting in his chair eating Twinkies and watching Barney together. Grandpa would ask her, "What's that thing supposed to be? Reilly would say, "A dinosaur" and Grandpa would say, "What?! That thing's a dinosaur? That don't look like a dinosaur to me!" and the two of them would laugh and laugh.

Grandpa McKinnon died a month before Kameron was born. I was so sad about that. My Grandpa never had a grandson and he was excited to finally get one. I remember the day I told him that Kameron was a boy. His whole face lit up with excitement. Then he looked at me and Reilly, grinned and chuckled and said, "Well, girls aren't bad either. Nosy and bossy... but not bad." My Grandpa McKinnon died at 87 years old.

That was a very sad time. The end of an era. I was glad that my grandpa wasn't suffering anymore and he really had been and I was glad that he was with my grandma again but life was forever altered. They were really the only tie that we had with our dad at that time and life was forever different without Grandma and Grandpa McKinnon in it.

My Grandpa Ellersick (my mom's dad) died a week after Kameron was born. That took the last bit of any coping skills that I had at the time. The two most significant father figures in my life were gone within a month. It brought me to my knees. I was also very close to my Grandpa Ellersick. He and my Grandma lived in Northern Idaho on the lake. Our lake. The lake house that we spend any spare moment we possibly can at. :) My Grandpa McKinnon was a funny and lovable character and my Grandpa Ellersick was pure love. I can't even really find the words to express how kind, gentle, loving, sweet, nonjudgmental, and Christ-like this man was. Unconditional love personified.

Once when I was about ten years old one of my grandma's weird friends came up to me and said, "You know how special your grandpa is don't you? I was like.."Yeah..." and she said "Well he is the closest person to Jesus Christ that I've ever known! And don't you forget that!" I was like "Okkkaayyy." I thought that was the most bizarre thing that I had ever heard. I went and told my Grandpa and he howled with laughter and said, "Maybe she needs to get her eyes checked!" but I have often reflected on that strange comment over the years and I know that my grandma's weird friend was right. He really is the most Christ-like person that I have ever known. He just drew people to him. All kinds of people. He loved everyone and had compassion on everyone. I remember him many times saying to me and others in the family when we were talking about someone who bugged us and he would say "Well...they've had rough life by golly." He never judged anyone or thought badly of anyone. He served others his entire life and made everyone feel like they were the most important person. I can guarantee that every one of my siblings and my cousins would say that we each felt that we were extra special to him.

My Grandpa Ellersick had been sick for years. He suffered terribly from Rheumatoid Arthritis and he had heart problems due to the medication that he had taken for years for his arthritis. He had been in and out of the hospital for the previous 5 years. We all knew that each year that we had with him was precious. I remember Grandma and Grandpa Ellersick calling me multiple times that past month to check on me, to see how I was doing with my pregnancy, and to give lots of words of love and comfort to me about losing Grandpa McKinnon. (I think both sets of grandparents had many conversations with each other about how they could best support us over the years. We were truly so blessed.) Either Grandpa McKinnon or Grandpa Ellersick would jump in for all the significant dad things over the years. The last conversation that I had with Grandpa Ellersick was when I had just come home from the hospital after having Kameron and he and Grandma were calling to see how we were doing. Then a few days later he was gone. That was a really hard time and being postpartum did not help. My Grandpa Ellersick died when he was 77 years old.

The other most significant loss has been my Uncle Mike. That is still fresh and tender. You can read about that here and here. My two miscarriages were two painful losses as well. Tyler and I have loved and grieved for those babies. I often think about what might have been and I know that both of us are so grateful for the knowledge that we have of eternal families.

52 Week Challenge: Question 3

52 Week Challenge: Question 3

What memories do you have of your father (his name, birthplace, birthdate, parents, and so on...)

KRISTIN:

Yet another tricky question for me. My memories of my dad are few. I was not raised by him and our relationship has been somewhat distant over the years. But I will say that in the last year my dad is coming through like a champ. He contacts me (and Stacey and Kelley) at least weekly if not more. Mainly through texting...but also phone calls and the mail. We are talking more than ever and it has been really nice. I am grateful to be learning more about him than I ever have before and it seems that he wants to be known more than he ever has before. I accept it and am grateful. Things that I know about my dad: he served a mission to Argentina, is very funny, hates the snow, loves to read, loves antiques, has very eclectic taste in music, loves sports, and worries about his daughters.

I have a few memories of him prior to my parents divorce... I remember running out to his brown truck when he would come home from work and being thrown up in the air. I remember eating cinnamon bears with him and watching Charlie's Angels. I remember riding horses with him. I remember the day we left him and moved out. I remember him coming to see us on several Christmases. I remember visiting him one weekend with my sisters and grandparents. I saw him a few times when he came to town when I was in college. He has always sent money on our birthdays and for Christmas. He also attended our wedding and paid for our hotel for our honeymoon in Vegas. :) When I was older and still lived in Utah I saw him a bit more often. But I haven't seen him in years. Tyler and I are thinking about taking a trip to Las Vegas (that is where he lives) with the kids maybe some time this year.

Because I wasn't raised by him I am changing the question around and I have asked him to tell me what his childhood was like. I was very close to his parents so I am curious to see what they were like as parents since I very rarely observed them in that role. They were absolutely fantastic grandparents!!

My grandparents tried for a long time to have children. Both of them were in their late 30's when my Grandma finally got pregnant. My dad was an only child for part of his life. Then his parents adopted a boy named Clayton. I think Clayton was around six or seven when he was adopted. They also had a foster son named Bobby whom they loved very much. Bobby drowned in a canal on a visit with his biological mother. It was devastating to them. Growing up there was always a tri-fold picture frame on an end table in their living room of my dad, Bobby, and Clayton. I know that my grandparents loved their boys and were grateful for them.

My grandparents lived on a farm in Provo, Utah off of Geneva Road out by Utah Lake. Their farm was one of my very favorite places in all the world. There were horses, cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, dogs, a huge vegetable garden, many out buildings, and an irrigation ditch that was always running with water. My sisters and I loved to play pioneer on their farm. It was our very favorite thing to do at their house.

Here is what my dad said:

My life growing up with Mom and Dad. When I was a child I really thought I had it bad. Too much work and not enough play. As I look back over the years of my youth, boy was I ever wrong. My childhood and teenage years were as perfect and as wonderful as a boy could have. I always knew that I was loved and wanted and that our home was a safe and protected place. Mom and Dad were strict and there were rules to follow: work hard and do your best, be kind to others, be honest, and live a clean moral life, obey to the best of your ability the commandments of God.

(I think this might have been a picture celebrating their engagement.)

My Mom and Dad always took an active part in my upbringing. We lived on a farm in Provo, Utah and besides farming Dad had a full-time job in the construction industry. Mom was a full-time wife, mother, and homemaker and she had a part-time job at an elementary school as a cook. I don't know how they ever found the time to do all they did every day. Farm work, occupations, rearing two boys, working at very responsible church positions. On top of that Dad was my little league baseball coach, my boy scout leader, and teacher of all things boy related. How to hunt, fish, trap, ride a horse, hit a baseball, drive a truck, and much more.

Mom had the worst job because she was the only lady in the house. (I never had any sisters.) Even when I was young she would jokingly say, "How can I ever get anything done in a house full of men?" But she accomplished miracles. We all pitched in and worked together. She taught me house keeping skills which I grudgingly learned, but became very useful in later years. Cooking, cleaning, dusting, dish washing etc. I still hate dusting to this day.

Besides being a wonderful homemaker and mother, Mom had many other skills, talents, and interests. Mom was a people person and loved entertaining and had many many friends that she loved to entertain in our home. People loved my mom and gravitated to her. Her laughter could light up a room and she had a crazy sense of humor. People always had fun at our house and her good home cooked food was legendary. Mom loved her church work and she served God by serving other people. Her positions included Primary President, Relief Society President, YWMIA President and she taught classes in all of the ward and stake organizations. My mom loved to sing and had a beautiful clear soprano voice. She sang in the ward and stake choirs with my dad. Besides church work and homemaking Mom had many and diverse interests. She was the 4H Leader for four of the clubs that I participated in. She was a leader in the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers. She enjoyed politics and served as a judge of elections and our home was an election polling place for many primary and general elections. Many of Mom's other interests included: reading, travel, history, cooking, family (especially the grandchildren). She and my dad loved sports and never missed any of my ball games. Mom loved the BYU Cougars. We watched the games on TV and before TV we would gather around the radio and listen to the Cougar games as a family.

I guess you could say that our family was a middle income rural family. We always had good food, a warm home, and tons of love and respects for each other. We were sometimes poor in worldly goods, but we had each other and that was what counted. I loved my Mom and Dad and I am proud of them and so thankful to be their son. Even though many years have gone by since Mom and Dad have passed on I still find myself reaching for the telephone to call them for advice or to share a bit of news with them. Mom and Dad live in my heart and continue to help and guide my life. I know that we will all be together again some day. Love, Dad


TYLER:

(Tyler's dad passed away from a heart attack when we were dating. Tyler's parents divorced while he was on his mission and Tyler was living with his dad when we met. I have several memories of his dad and they are hilarious and very much cherished. Although he passed away before we were married and our children were born, our children know their Grandpa Johnson well and his memory is very much alive in all of our hearts and minds.)

My father, Larry Luvern Johnson, was born in Duluth, Minnesota, on October 7^th to Alice Luella Johnson and Engner Axel Harris Johnson.  His mother was a school teacher and his father was a railroad worker.  He had an older brother Ed and a younger brother named Rick.  He grew up in a home out in the woods of Minnesota.  It sometimes doubled as a hunting lodge throughout the hunting seasons.  I remember a story he used to tell me about a pet deer they had while growing up.  He truly loved his time there.  At around 14 he, his brothers and his mom moved to Port Orford, Oregon.

He served a full-time mission in Oslo, Norway.  Both his father and mother spoke a little Norwegian but he had grandparents that were all fluent in it.  He really loved the people there and always had such amazing stories about living there and being in such a beautiful place.

He began his undergraduate at the University of Oregon in Architecture but then changed to Political Science and he transferred to BYU and went on to complete his Masters.

He worked for a bit in Provo utilizing his Political Science degree but was offered a job with IBM selling what was then new technology in giant server computers.  In his training for this job he learned many of the programming languages which gave him a whole new career in computer science.  He worked in the programming industry for many years and ended up becoming a professor of computer science at Utah Technical College (UTC).  It changed names from UTC to Utah Valley Community College to Utah Valley State College to the now known Utah Valley University.  He loved teaching.

My dad also loved to garden and landscape.  He truly loved working outside in our yard.  Whether it was the many rose bushes that we had in the front yard, the fruit trees in back, the blackberry bushes, or the enormous garden.

He loved to go camping.  I have so many memories as a kid being up in the woods all over in California and Utah camping with my dad.  We always had this awesome canvas tent that was huge or so it seemed and then when we got older we had a tent trailer for our camp outs.  It was always his dream to be a camp host at a campground near enough to home that would allow us to camp all summer long and still allow him to work and commute.  We did spend one amazing summer up in Yellowstone.  My dad took a position as a night auditor with the Mammoth Hot Springs Hotel.  This allowed us to have an all access pass to the entire park.  Dad would work through the night and then most weekdays and every weekend that entire summer we explored every inch of Yellowstone.  During that summer we lived just outside the park in a mobile home in Gardner, Montana.  It was a very memorable summer and such a great opportunity.  Part of the reason for this trip was for dad to share his love for the National Parks.  In one of his summers during his college years he spent the summer as an official park ranger in Teton National Forest.  He had such fond memories of that time and always wanted us kids to know the beauty and splendor of those national treasures.

Dad was a voracious reader.  Going to the library with him was always fun and interesting.  Trying to guess the size of the stack he would be bringing home was always a surprise.  Dependent upon the size of the books his stack would be a minimum of 12 inches tall.  Sometimes it would be multiples of that stack.  The crazy part is that he would always read through that stack of books in under his two week checkout time.

Dad never forgot about his degree in Political Science. He was always very involved politically in the community. He even ran for a city council position in Orem and had the whole family involved in his campaign.

Dad also loved to sing.  He joined a barbershop choir and also was involved in a quartet as well.  He sang bass and was always taking us kids along to sing in the ward choir.  Both mom and dad were very active in the ward choirs throughout my childhood.

Tyler and his Dad

Out of all the things my dad taught me over the years I think that his example of hard work was the most important. He was a very dedicated provider for our family between his job and what we did at home; he was always showing me by his amazing example the importance of work and getting the job done right the first time. I love my dad and his amazing example to me and I will always cherish the last year that he and I had together.