52 Week Challenge: Question 6

52 Week Challenge: Question 6

Have any of your family members died? If so, what did they die from? What do you remember of their deaths? What were the circumstances of their deaths?

TYLER:

My father passed away when I was 22 years old. My dad died on November 11, 1993. My parents had divorced while I was on my mission. When I came home the house that I had grown up in had been sold and my mom was living in Ephraim, Utah with my brother Brett. My sister Lori and her husband ( at the time) Jeff were living in Germany where he was stationed with the Air Force. When I returned home I moved into a condo with my dad in Orem, Utah. Dad and I were living together when he passed away. I was going to college and working at Wordperfect at the time. The day he died I was at Kristin's apartment. The Utah Country Sheriff's Department tracked me down there through a crazy network of friends. My dad had a heart attack next to his car in the parking lot of our condo. He was discovered by one of our neighbors who called 911. He was rushed to Utah Valley Regional Medical Center. I was told that my dad had been taken to the hospital and to get there as quickly as I could. They didn't answer any other questions. I was just told to go to the hospital as soon as possible. Kristin and I headed there and quickly realized that things didn't look good. The hospital staff took us into a private room and informed me of my father's death. I then was given a few minutes with him and I had to sign paper work and fill out donor information. It was a good thing that Kris was with me that day. She was so supportive. I also found out that my father had died immediately upon having his heart attack.

My dad had had rheumatic fever when he was a child. It had weakened his heart and left him with scar tissue on his heart. He was also a Type 2 diabetic and had been diagnosed with heart disease a few years before he died. He had had several minor heart attacks prior to his passing. He had also had an angioplasty done and had been walking regularly to improve his activity level. About a month earlier he had been into his cardiologist for a check up and his EKG showed that he was doing well. His death came as a shock.

I was the one to call all the family. My sister, Lori, flew in from Germany. Lori, Brett, and I made all the arrangements and planned his funeral. It was a very difficult time. I was the sole responsible party. I was the executor of his will. I also gave the eulogy at his funeral. I was the one who cleaned out our apartment, put furniture into storage, cleaned out his office, paid off the last of his bills, and finalized his estate. I also had to find a place to live for myself. I moved into BYU housing. It was a difficult experience and I had to learn and grow in ways that I never had before as a 22 year old.

Two weeks after my dad died, Kristin invited me up to her family's lake house in Northern Idaho for Thanksgiving. We had been dating for about 4 months at the time. I hit it off right away with her Grandpa Ellersick. He took me under his wing that trip. His own father had died at the same age as mine... 58 years old. He knew what I was feeling and knew just what to say. I remember that he told me that the day your father dies you stop being a boy and become a man. No truer words have ever been spoken.

It was interesting that my own son was born 7 years later on November 11th (the anniversary of my dad's death). Kameron's birth helped turn a sad day into a happy one. Kameron is my dad's only grandson. The last of the Johnson line.

KRISTIN:

Well, that's a dreary topic. Not all of these questions are fun to write about are they? I guess I will discuss my grandparents. I was blessed with absolutely amazing grandparents on both sides including my step-dad's mother (My Nana) and grandmother who are as much grandparents to me as my blood relations.

The first of my grandparents to die was my Grandma McKinnon. (My dad's mom). It was hard. We lived in the same town (Provo) and I saw her at least once a week. Tyler and I were newlyweds then and we went to my grandparents house a lot. My grandma loved Tyler and just thought that he was the greatest guy ever. The last time I saw her we had gone over to their house to tell them that I was pregnant with Reilly. She was one of the people that I was the most excited to tell our news to because I knew that she would be so excited and she was! She was one of those people who lived and breathed for her grandchildren. She called me, Stacey, and Kelley her "Little Sweethearts" even after we were all in college. I knew that she would flip out to have a great-grandchild on the way. I remember her looking at me and saying, "Are you kidding me? You better not be kidding me. It's not nice to tease Grandma!" We had a great visit. The next weekend we went to Rexburg for my cousin, Jaymon's, mission farewell. We got the call early that morning in our hotel room from my mom telling us that Grandma had passed away. It was unexpected and she hadn't been ill. She was 84 years old. It was really hard losing her...the first of the grandparents to go... and I always wished that she could have lived to see Reilly. She would've loved having another "Little Sweet Heart" to spoil.

My Grandpa McKinnon outlived my Grandma by about 4 1/2 years. I worried that my Grandpa wouldn't fair very well without my Grandma but he rallied pretty well. He kept himself busy working on his farm, going fishing with his fishing buddy about 6 days a week, going to the Senior Center for lunch everyday, and even made himself a special lady friend. I think he knew that he had to stay busy and so he did. He used to make me cry with laughter telling me about all the "widow women" at the senior center and at church who were "after him". Tyler and I got him a baseball hat one year for his birthday that said "Women love me and fish fear me". He thought that was hilarious and wore that hat all the time.

He was in pretty good health up until the last year of his life when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He had smoked during WWII and gave that up when he came home from the war but he had also worked at the Geneva Steel Plant, which was an emissions nightmare, and I am convinced that was most likely the culprit. The last year he declined rapidly. He was on an oxygen tank and that kept him house bound for the most part and he hated it. No more fishing...no going to the senior center...no working on the farm. My Uncle Clayton and his wife, Emily, lived in his house with him. The last five months of his life he was really sick. He was a terrible patient and refused to eat and didn't want to have hospice come daily. My uncle and his wife worked during the day so me, Stacey, and Kelley took turns driving to Provo (we all lived in Salt Lake by then) every day to check on him. We would bring him lunch, force him to eat it, and to take his medication. He listened to us better than anyone else, which still wasn't that great, but he liked us visiting plus we knew all of his favorite foods. Every day for about 4 months one of us visited him. That was the summer that I was HUGELY PREGNANT with Kameron. Every third day Reilly and I would drive to Provo to go visit Papa McKinnon as Reilly called him. We would bring him cheeseburgers and milk shakes, grilled cheese and french fries, Twinkies, Ding Dongs, ice cream, and always an icy cold Coke. He would usually at least eat some of the food we brought and eventually take his medication because he "couldn't take all the nagging!" Ha ha!

Grandpa and Reilly had a special relationship. He adored her. He played and played with her. He would read books with her. He loved to watch Barney with her. I would bring Barney videos with me to entertain her while I helped my grandpa but he always wanted to watch them with her. He would say to Reilly, "Are we gonna watch Barney or what?!" She would climb up onto his lap in his recliner and snuggle right up to him. She didn't care about his oxygen tubes or his hacking cough. She loved being with him. Every time I think about that summer I can see the two of them sitting in his chair eating Twinkies and watching Barney together. Grandpa would ask her, "What's that thing supposed to be? Reilly would say, "A dinosaur" and Grandpa would say, "What?! That thing's a dinosaur? That don't look like a dinosaur to me!" and the two of them would laugh and laugh.

Grandpa McKinnon died a month before Kameron was born. I was so sad about that. My Grandpa never had a grandson and he was excited to finally get one. I remember the day I told him that Kameron was a boy. His whole face lit up with excitement. Then he looked at me and Reilly, grinned and chuckled and said, "Well, girls aren't bad either. Nosy and bossy... but not bad." My Grandpa McKinnon died at 87 years old.

That was a very sad time. The end of an era. I was glad that my grandpa wasn't suffering anymore and he really had been and I was glad that he was with my grandma again but life was forever altered. They were really the only tie that we had with our dad at that time and life was forever different without Grandma and Grandpa McKinnon in it.

My Grandpa Ellersick (my mom's dad) died a week after Kameron was born. That took the last bit of any coping skills that I had at the time. The two most significant father figures in my life were gone within a month. It brought me to my knees. I was also very close to my Grandpa Ellersick. He and my Grandma lived in Northern Idaho on the lake. Our lake. The lake house that we spend any spare moment we possibly can at. :) My Grandpa McKinnon was a funny and lovable character and my Grandpa Ellersick was pure love. I can't even really find the words to express how kind, gentle, loving, sweet, nonjudgmental, and Christ-like this man was. Unconditional love personified.

Once when I was about ten years old one of my grandma's weird friends came up to me and said, "You know how special your grandpa is don't you? I was like.."Yeah..." and she said "Well he is the closest person to Jesus Christ that I've ever known! And don't you forget that!" I was like "Okkkaayyy." I thought that was the most bizarre thing that I had ever heard. I went and told my Grandpa and he howled with laughter and said, "Maybe she needs to get her eyes checked!" but I have often reflected on that strange comment over the years and I know that my grandma's weird friend was right. He really is the most Christ-like person that I have ever known. He just drew people to him. All kinds of people. He loved everyone and had compassion on everyone. I remember him many times saying to me and others in the family when we were talking about someone who bugged us and he would say "Well...they've had rough life by golly." He never judged anyone or thought badly of anyone. He served others his entire life and made everyone feel like they were the most important person. I can guarantee that every one of my siblings and my cousins would say that we each felt that we were extra special to him.

My Grandpa Ellersick had been sick for years. He suffered terribly from Rheumatoid Arthritis and he had heart problems due to the medication that he had taken for years for his arthritis. He had been in and out of the hospital for the previous 5 years. We all knew that each year that we had with him was precious. I remember Grandma and Grandpa Ellersick calling me multiple times that past month to check on me, to see how I was doing with my pregnancy, and to give lots of words of love and comfort to me about losing Grandpa McKinnon. (I think both sets of grandparents had many conversations with each other about how they could best support us over the years. We were truly so blessed.) Either Grandpa McKinnon or Grandpa Ellersick would jump in for all the significant dad things over the years. The last conversation that I had with Grandpa Ellersick was when I had just come home from the hospital after having Kameron and he and Grandma were calling to see how we were doing. Then a few days later he was gone. That was a really hard time and being postpartum did not help. My Grandpa Ellersick died when he was 77 years old.

The other most significant loss has been my Uncle Mike. That is still fresh and tender. You can read about that here and here. My two miscarriages were two painful losses as well. Tyler and I have loved and grieved for those babies. I often think about what might have been and I know that both of us are so grateful for the knowledge that we have of eternal families.