Fall Book Reviews 2021

1.) Howards End by E.M. Forster

From Goodreads:

Howards End is a novel by E. M. Forster about social conventions, codes of conduct and relationships in turn-of-the-century England. A strong-willed and intelligent woman refuses to allow the pretensions of her husband's smug English family to ruin her life. Howards End is considered by some to be Forster's masterpiece.

I loved this beautifully written book. The plot was interesting and the characters intriguing. I enjoyed the Schlegel sisters, Tibby, and their Aunt Juley. I loved the interweaving of the lives of the wealthy Wilcox family with the bohemian Schlegels. I am also a sucker for a house that feels like a main character in a book; especially one set in the English countryside. I was all in.

I appreciated the discussion on social classism...capitalists, progressives, and the working class...and hypocrisy. Forster discusses, via the entanglements of our main characters, the complications of class and money. But while I appreciated the discussion I felt that there were a few too many tangents. Just let the plot play out. We get it.

One thing that fascinated me as a reader was that this book was not "set" in pre-WWI England. It was a contemporary novel written at that time...around 1910. I was captivated by the conversations of the characters in the book about Germany and the differences between Germans and the English. The Schlegels are half German and knowing that historically WWI would soon break out and Germany would never be thought of as a place of romantics and philosophers after that. It was so interesting.

Margaret was my favorite character with Henry Wilcox close behind. The themes of connection and the importance of the inner life versus the exterior life were ones to ponder. I so enjoyed my time reading this engaging novel. I savored it.

My Rating: A pleasurable read.

2.) Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

This book has been on my radar for a long time. I'm glad I finally had an opportunity to read it. What a saga!

From Goodreads:

In the early 1900s, teenaged Sunja, the adored daughter of a crippled fisherman, falls for a wealthy stranger at the seashore near her home in Korea. He promises her the world, but when she discovers she is pregnant — and that her lover is married — she refuses to be bought. Instead, she accepts an offer of marriage from a gentle, sickly minister passing through on his way to Japan. But her decision to abandon her home, and to reject her son's powerful father, sets off a dramatic saga that will echo down through the generations.

This is a story of a multi-generational Korean family. We move through the years with the story being told from the perspective of several different family members. There are a lot of large time jumps which I usually hate but surprisingly didn't in this novel. There was still sufficient character development with each of the characters over time and as they related to one another throughout the book. The author also did an incredible job of giving the story a rich sense of time and place. There were wonderful details and imagery woven throughout the narrative including food descriptions that made me crave both Korean and Japanese food. The setting was vivid and invited me to research more about the places in the novel including pachinko parlors. I had never heard of them before.

It was especially interesting to learn more about the history of Korea and Japan; their dynamics and complicated history, and the oppression and prejudice that existed. I had no idea. 

This is a long and sweeping book. The pace starts slow and the action builds as the years pass and the family grows. I was immersed in the characters and the plot from the first page to the last. Although the ending took the novel down a notch for me. We've been through so much with this family and the ending literally had me saying aloud, "What was the point?!" Why did we follow this entire family for generations? I also wondered what had become of some of the minor characters who we follow and, even get a few too many details about, but whose stories then drop off of the page. Again, I asked myself what was the point? But despite my plot point questions I did enjoy my time reading this bittersweet literary fiction that asks some important questions about family, connection, belonging, and identity.

My Rating: An interesting exploration of identity and resilience.

3.) Papa Married a Mormon by John D. Fitzgerald

This was a book that my dad wanted me to read. He remembered liking it as a kid and wanted to share it with me. So much so that he bought me the book. I read it so that we could discuss it. I had no idea what to expect. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

From Goodreads:

Set in the fictional southern Utah community of Adenville, Fitzgerald creates a nostalgic picture of small town life in early 1900s. The story tells of the conflicts between the Mormons and gentiles within the community, and how leaders on both sides managed to unify the town, despite their differences and animosities. Because many parts of the book are similar in prose to Mark Twain’s Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn novels, Papa Married a Mormon fits the mold of a Victorian look at an era long gone.

I actually had no idea that the author was the same person who wrote the The Great Brain series. I remember reading those in elementary school with the iconic covers illustrated by Mercer Mayer. Now I want to reread them since the main character is based on Tom from Papa Married a Mormon.

This novel is loosely semi-autobiographical. I am not sure what exactly is true and what is fictionalized as the author includes family pictures in the novel. But basically it is a wild west story with gamblers, gunslingers, outlaws, dance hall girls, romance, and a family living in a frontier town in the early days of Utah. The characters/family members are colorful and memorable! Papa is a Catholic who follows his wayward brother out west as a death bed promise to his mother. While in the Utah territory he meets and marries a nice Mormon girl and they raise a crazy family of four wild boys and one girl together. Neither of them converts to the other's faith but learn to love and appreciate the merits of both. They raise their family with both faiths. Some of their kids adopted the LDS faith and some adopted Catholicism. The author, according to the story, chose Catholicism. Tom, of The Great Brain series, chooses the LDS faith and serves a mission!

I appreciated the themes of acceptance, unity, love, and religious tolerance in the novel. Neither the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is favored nor is the Catholic Church. The family is basically split down the middle as far as their religions go and both faiths are seen with positives and negatives. I wouldn't say that religion is the main subject of the book. It was just a part of the plot with the Fitzgerald family and their small town as the emphasis.

The author wrote this in the 1950s and it harkens back to what he considered to be the "good old days" of frontier life. This is an entertaining book about a colorful and loving family and their adventures.

My Rating: Good.

4.) The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

This was my book club's pick for October 2021. It looked like a fun Halloween read.

From Goodreads:

Patricia Campbell had always planned for a big life, but after giving up her career as a nurse to marry an ambitious doctor and become a mother, Patricia's life has never felt smaller. The days are long, her kids are ungrateful, her husband is distant, and her to-do list is never really done. The one thing she has to look forward to is her book club, a group of Charleston mothers united only by their love for true-crime and suspenseful fiction. In these meetings, they're more likely to discuss the FBI's recent siege of Waco as much as the ups and downs of marriage and motherhood. But when an artistic and sensitive stranger moves into the neighborhood, the book club's meetings turn into speculation about the newcomer. Patricia is initially attracted to him, but when some local children go missing, she starts to suspect the newcomer is involved. She begins her own investigation, assuming that he's a Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy. What she uncovers is far more terrifying, and soon she--and her book club--are the only people standing between the monster they've invited into their homes and their unsuspecting community.

This book is a whole lot of things. It's stylistic, funny, and entertaining. It is also dark, gross, gritty, and disturbing. It is horror but it is also snarky satire. The premise is superb. A group of South Carolina housewives start a book club where they mostly read true crime. I loved how discussion of the books the women were reading each month was woven into the plot. I also loved that it's set in the 1990s, which is not quite as high on the nostalgia scale as the 1980s, but still pretty good because not a lot of books are set in this time period. 

This book packs a punch and is not for everyone. It's unique. I've never read another book quite like it. It is propulsive and it kept me reading. But it is also super dark and the humor is dark.  It's horror meets the Stepford Wives. It starts out light and funny and but then it takes a darker and more disturbing turn than I expected. The characters don't have quite as much depth as I would have liked. They are fairly one dimensional and stereotypical. I suspect this is intentional.

There are definite trigger warnings. There is graphic sexual violence, child predators, domestic abuse, and glaring racial stereotypes. The husbands are infuriating. They are patronizing, condescending, patriarchal misogynists. Why wouldn't the wives be intrigued when a mysterious stranger moves into their town and wants to join their book club?

Despite all of that I *think* I enjoyed it. LOL. The plot kept me reading. I loved the honor paid to book clubs, reading, and True Crime. I especially loved that the author pays homage to 70s and 80s horror fiction. He actually wrote a history of that very topic and there are a lot of winks and nods to people who love and read horror. He also pokes a little fun at the clichés and tropes of that genre. 

In addition, I enjoyed the dynamics of the women in the book club and their complicated friendships. But there were some dropped storylines. Blue? His storyline and build up just ended. I also wanted more about the vampire's back story and how he came into existence. Finally, I hoped for a big twist concerning some of the characters but literally did not predict the smaller twist that did come. I thought something was going to happen and the complete opposite occurred. That was interesting!!

Take this genre bending book for what it is...gross...disturbing...funny...satirical... and entertaining.

My Rating: I weirdly liked it!

5.) The All-of-a-Kind Family by Sydney Taylor

From Goodreads:

It's the turn of the century in New York's Lower East Side and a sense of adventure and excitement abounds for five young sisters - Ella, Henny, Sarah, Charlotte and Gertie. Follow along as they search for hidden buttons while dusting Mama's front parlor, or explore the basement warehouse of Papa's peddler's shop on rainy days. The five girls enjoy doing everything together, especially when it involves holidays and surprises. But no one could have prepared them for the biggest surprise of all!

This is the first book in a middle grade series that I somehow missed reading as a child. It's too bad. It's delightful! The series is set in New York City around 1912 and follows a Jewish family of five girls. The book is a fictionalized account of the author's own childhood. The characters are named after the author's sisters and the book came from stories that the author would tell her daughter about her life growing up. I love that!

This wonderful family lives in the tenements on New York's Lower East Side. They are first generation immigrants. Papa is a junk dealer and Mama maintains the home and cares for her five lively daughters. In the first book we follow the family and their adventures for a year and learn about many Jewish customs and holidays along the way. Fantastic!! The book is both heart-warming and informative.

Despite being set in 1912, there was still so much that was relatable. It was interesting to read, especially in COVID times, about when the family had to quarantine due to scarlet fever. Quarantine and pandemics have always been a part of life and continue to be. This provides a wonderful opportunity for discussion. It's good to share this with children who think that quarantine is something new. 

I loved reading about this hardworking happy family! It's a cozy read about a charming family who love holidays, adventures, the library, the junk shop, and their neighborhood. I loved experiencing New York City with it's neighborhoods, Coney Island, and bustling markets in the early 1900s. So fun!

My Rating: Excellent. Wonderful children's literature.

6.) All-of-a-Kind Family Downtown by Sydney Taylor

This is the second book in the All-of-a-Kind Family series. Book two takes us through another year with this delightful Jewish American family living on the East Side of New York City at the turn of the century. We meet some wonderful new characters: Miss Carey and Guido. This book had a few more sad elements that the sisters must face as they meet some new characters who they lovingly befriend and support. As always it was interesting to read about the Jewish faith and culture. I loved the Purim play and the building of the sukkah. This is a sweet and simple story. These books are great read-alouds.

My Rating: Sweet

7.) Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

If you look on Goodreads...which I always do...many reviewers say that they like the movie better than the novel. I've seen the movie but only remember the fabulous house from it so how good could the movie have been?! LOL. I wanted a fun October read and this book totally fit the bill. 

From Goodreads:

For more than two hundred years, the Owens women have been blamed for everything that has gone wrong in their Massachusetts town. Gillian and Sally have endured that fate as well: as children, the sisters were forever outsiders, taunted, talked about, pointed at. Their elderly aunts almost seemed to encourage the whispers of witchery, with their musty house and their exotic concoctions and their crowd of black cats. But all Gillian and Sally wanted was to escape. One will do so by marrying, the other by running away. But the bonds they share will bring them back—almost as if by magic...

I loved loved loved this book! It was perfect autumnal reading! I am not even a fan of magical realism but I guess this book found me at the right time. I had a terrific reading experience. I loved Alice Hoffman's unique descriptive and poetic prose. It was mesmerizing. I also loved the "witch" culture building of the aunts, their home and garden, and their family history. It was wonderful. I loved all of the vivid details and imagery. I was completely drawn in and enchanted.

This was a great story of love and the complexity of sisterhood and family with some magic woven in. The novel is definitely more character driven than plot driven although the things that happen kept the plot moving forward in an interesting way. I was never bored. I thoroughly enjoyed my introduction to the Owens family and I look forward to reading Hoffman's subsequent Owens family books...the two prequels and the newly released sequel.

My Rating: Extremely enjoyable.

8.) More All-of-a-Kind Family by Sydney Taylor

This is the third book in Sydney Taylor's series about a Jewish family living in New York City in 1915. We continue to follow the adventures of the 5 sisters and their little brother. Perfect middle grade historical fiction. These are wonderful read aloud books and the illustrations are delightful. 

From Goodreads:

In the third book of Sydney Taylor's classic children's series, Ella finds a boyfriend and Henny disagrees with Papa over her curfew. Thus continues the tale of a Jewish family of five sisters-Ella, Henny, Sarah, Charlotte and Gertie-and little brother, Charlie, living at the turn of the century in New York's Lower East Side. Entertaining and educational, this book brings to life the joys and fears of that time and place.

The first book dealt with quarantine and this book deals with an epidemic of infantile paralysis (polio). It provides great opportunities for children living through the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine to learn about other times in history when families have faced similar things.

My Rating: Good. A sweet story about a loveable family. 

9.) Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman

I couldn't wait to read this pre-prequel to Practical Magic! I had high hopes for it and it did NOT disappoint! I loved it! I give it ALL the stars. It was wonderful!

From Goodreads:

Where does the story of the Owens bloodline begin? With Maria Owens, in the 1600s, when she’s abandoned in a snowy field in rural England as a baby. Under the care of Hannah Owens, Maria learns about the “Nameless Arts.” Hannah recognizes that Maria has a gift and she teaches the girl all she knows. It is here that she learns her first important lesson: Always love someone who will love you back. When Maria is abandoned by the man who has declared his love for her, she follows him to Salem, Massachusetts. Here she invokes the curse that will haunt her family. And it’s here that she learns the rules of magic and the lesson that she will carry with her for the rest of her life. Love is the only thing that matters.

This book is the origin story of the Owens family. We learn how it all began in the 1600s with the matriarch of the family, Maria, and the curse of the Owens women. I gave Practical Magic five stars but this book is even better and Practical Magic surprisingly paled in comparison. In this novel the storyline is better, the characters are better, and the writing is better. I absolutely loved the characters of Maria, Hannah, Samuel Dias, and Abraham. This book is more character driven...but in a good way... than Practical Magic and I loved that about it. Maria had so much more depth than Sally and Gillian. Hoffman has definitely honed her craft over the years and her writing is even more lyrical and beautiful.

In Magic Lessons, instead of reading about the complexities of sisters, we read about the complicated mother/daughter dynamic. The mother choosing one path in life and her daughter choosing another. It was brilliant. Hoffman's descriptions are vivid and evocative. She does such a great job with her sense of time and place. I enjoyed learning more about the history and origins of New York City. Fascinating!!

This is a magical and captivating novel about mothers and daughters, love, betrayal, revenge, and redemption. There was the perfect amount of magical realism without being over-the-top. I absolutely loved this book. It has been a long time since I've found an author that I want to read multiple books written by them or a series that I want to devour. My second foray into the Practical Magic Universe was even better than my first and I cannot wait to dive into Rules of Magic!! This was October reading perfection!

My Rating: Exceptional! Even better than Practical Magic!

10.) All-of-a-Kind Family Uptown by Sydney Taylor

This is book four in the All-of-a-Kind Family series. It was just as wonderful as the previous books!

From Goodreads:

Based on the author's family and childhood, these charming books capture the everyday life of a home with little money but lots of love and good times to share. Each book shares the ups and downs in the lives of this special family, through the eyes of Ella, Charlotte, Henny, Sarah, Gertie, and their little brother, Charlie.

In this book the family has moved to the Bronx. The girls are growing up. The oldest daughter, Ella, is now seventeen and her boyfriend enlists in the army and goes off to fight in WWI. The look into wartime NYC and how those at home dealt with that and supported the troops was interesting. As usual the author interweaves the more serious chapters with funny ones. This was another charming book in the series where the family loves, supports, and encourages one another and those around them as the girls grow and mature.

My Rating: Charming. Just like the rest of the series.

11.) Ella of All-of-a-Kind Family by Sydney Taylor

This is sadly the last book in the All-of-a-Kind Family series. As the title informs us, this book is all about Ella. She is heading out into the world and has many grown up decisions to make.

From Goodreads:

World War I has ended, and Ella, the oldest of the five sisters, who dreams of singing and dancing in the theater, is discovered by a Broadway talent scout. It seems that she will have her chance at a theatrical career after all, starting in vaudeville. But her thoughts are also on Jules, just returned from the War, and marriage. Once again a loving family provides the support needed to make the right decision.

Sadly this book was my least favorite in the series. I wasn't interested in Ella's burgeoning stage career and her stint doing vaudeville. I also didn't enjoy Jules in this novel. I thought that the storyline with Charlie started out rather dramatic but then kind of peters out. I wanted to follow up with him more after his recovery. I also missed the charming illustrations that were in the other books.

Even though I didn't like this book quite as much as the others; this series is a great comfort read and I am going to miss the All-of-a-Kind Family. The author planned to write a book about each of the siblings but sadly died of cancer after publishing this book.

My Rating: A decent end to a delightful series.

12.) Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

 

I've seen this backlist title for years but never took the opportunity to read it. I am so glad that I finally did. I had no idea what I was getting into. What an incredibly wonderful surprise! I want to hug this book.

From Goodreads:

Leif Enger's debut novel...narrated by an asthmatic 11-year-old named Reuben Land, is the story of Reuben's unusual family and their journey across the frozen Badlands of the Dakotas in search of his fugitive older brother. Charged with the murder of two locals who terrorized their family, Davy has fled, understanding that the scales of justice will not weigh in his favor. But Reuben, his father, Jeremiah—a man of faith so deep he has been known to produce miracles—and Reuben's little sister, Swede, follow closely behind the fleeing Davy.

This haunting and evocative coming of age story is set in rural Minnesota and the Badlands of North Dakota in the 1960s. You had me at Minnesota. I am all about Minnesota these days and having recently traveled through rural Minnesota made me love the book even more. Enger's writing is a thing of beauty. His lyrical and rhythmic prose draws you in and soothes you even while describing intense and upsetting events. There were so many compelling and beautiful passages that I must buy my own copy to annotate. There are sentences I want to reread and savor. And the literary allusions! Enger is a master at weaving biblical, mythical, historical, musical, and even wild west allusions throughout the book in a way that added extra layers of depth and richness to this family saga. Fabulous.

In addition to the gorgeous prose the plot is propulsive. You are immediately drawn right into the thick of the Land family: Jeremiah, Davy, Rueben, and Swede who are wonderfully vibrant and memorable characters. I particularly loved Reuben and Swede but after finishing the book and letting a week or two go by it was their father Jeremiah who has stuck with me the most. He is a truly fascinating character and I have come to love and respect him even more. I was intrigued by the questions that he (and the rest of the family) wrestles with: How do we reconcile our beliefs of what is right and wrong and fair when people we love makes decisions with disastrous and far-reaching consequences? Reading about Jeremiah's struggle with this as a parent was both heartbreaking and poignant. 

As Jeremiah, Rueben, and Swede set off to North Dakota to try to find Davy their journey becomes both physical and spiritual. Their search becomes a powerful story of loyalty, faith, family, and forgiveness. You get all the feels from this novel. Sadness intermingled with joy. Beauty with starkness. Humor. Nostalgia for simpler times. You fall in love with Swede and her epic western ballads that lighten the heavier moments and also help her to process trauma. I loved the interesting perspective of the narrator, who is a grown up Reuben, recounting the events of his childhood and seeing how sometimes we aren't the most reliable narrators of our own lives and lived events. 

This book gives you so much to think about and discuss. There is great depth and symbolism. I think for seasonal readers, of which I am one, it is a great winter read. I highly recommend this book. It is wonderful! I give it all the stars!

My Rating: Excellent!

Halloween 2021

We interrupt these sad posts to talk about Halloween...LOL.

Halloween was on a Sunday this year which is always a drag. Maybe not as big of a drag as if we lived in Utah. Those poor suckers have to celebrate on a different day. Halloween morning we went to church (Tyler conducted, Bryn gave a talk, and Ailey led the music, and we attended a convert baptism) We did our duties and then we celebrated Halloween for the rest of the day. Other families can do what they want but our family has been through so much and has missed out on so many things that I really don't think the Lord begrudges a little trick-or-treating. Things have been so tumultuous this month that we didn't even carve a pumpkin. 

Ailey helped Bryn get all gussied up as a prison inmate! LOL! She looked good! Down to a fake black eye. Ha ha! Ailey didn't dress up this year. She was out with her friends the night before and did all of her Halloweening then. 

Bryn the *method* actor especially when Ailey jumped on her back! LOL!

These two crack me up!

That night we blasted our Halloween playlist and I made butternut squash lasagna. Truly the best lasagna ever! Bryn headed out to trick-or-treat with her friends. Tyler helped round up girls and got them all to a central location and then dropped her off. It was Bryn's first time trick-or-treating without a parent. Milestones.

Ailey and I were home handing out candy. We had a bunch of trick-or-treaters this year. That was fun! I loved seeing all of the neighborhood kids in their costumes. Tyler came back and we watched Gremlins and ate Halloween candy. Gremlins is kind of a Halloween/Christmas combo movie. Ailey had never seen it before. LOL. Bring on Christmas I say! 

Bryn had a terrific time with her friends! She rolled back in around 9 pm with a huge sack of candy. Oh the joys of being 12! (This joy did not extend to the next morning when everyone had to get up early for school.) We also got to talk to Kameron briefly since it was *technically* a holiday. So that was fun too. It turned out to be a pretty swell Halloween after all! 

Joel's Obituary and Tributes

 

1952 – 2021

Joel Richard Erickson returned peacefully to his Heavenly Father from his home in Moroni, UT on Oct. 28, 2021. He was born to Dixie M. McKinnon and Joel H. Erickson on June 5, 1952 in Provo UT, as the oldest of 4 siblings.

Joel married the mother of his 8 children, Lynda J. Sutherland on Dec. 14, 1975 in Denver Colorado. Joel and Lynda were divorced in 1992. Joel then married Judith (Judie) A. Kofford Johnson on May 15, 1993 and they spent his remaining 28 years happily together, enjoying traveling and camping, visiting their children and grandchildren, and their service in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Joel was soft-spoken, intelligent, kind, humble, funny, and loving. He was incredibly skilled and used his skills to bless all those who came into contact with him. He took many roles in his life including: Scout Leader, Mentor, Religious Leader, Master Carpenter, Handyman, Military leader, Father, Grandfather, and Loving Husband. He was a man of few words but expressed the depth and beauty of his soul through the careful intention he put into everything he did. There was seemingly nothing he couldn’t fix, figure out, or build.

Joel had an unmatched work ethic and applied himself fully to all that he did. He was drafted into the army in 1972 and spent 2 years as a Specialist E4 of the 124th Maintenance Battalion 2nd Armored Division. His mechanic skills were put to use fixing tanks, jeeps, and machinery for the troops. He then served 37 years in the National Guard as a Sergeant over the Maintenance Section, during which time he built roads in Utah, and for native communities in both Panama and Alaska. He worked for 31 years as a mechanic/electrician in Deer Creek Coal Mine.

Joel truly lived in the image of Christ. He was always of service to others, his family, his country, his community, and the Lord. He had a strong testimony and faith in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He served on the High Council, as a counselor in the Bishopric, and in Baptistry at the Manti Temple. He oversaw the Family History Center and among many other church callings he especially enjoyed serving in the scouting program.

Joel is preceded in death by his brother Fredrick Erickson, and grandson David Erickson Jr.

Joel is survived by his wife Judie Erickson; children Andrew (Sarah) Erickson, Benjamin (Sarah) Erickson, Carolyn Kellogg, David Erickson, Eric (Erika) Erickson, Forrest (Hanna) Erickson, Greggory Erickson, and Holly Erickson; stepchildren Lorinda Anthony, Tyler (Kristin) Johnson, Brett (Marissa) Johnson; 23 grandchildren, and Siblings Becky Erickson and Ray Erickson.

Kameron's:

Grandpa,

It all happened so fast that it truly doesn't feel like you're gone. In what feels like only a few moments you went from happy and healthy, kickin our butts in corn hole to a couple of days ago frail and tired. But what's truly amazing is through out it all you still had a smile on your face going through hell with so much bravery in what must have been so incredibly painful, your example, and courage is something that will truly always stay with me. Thank you for truly being someone who always cared enough to listen. Thank you for always showing up with a new game to play or a new thing you crafted, might I add with such expertise and exquisite craftsmanship that it always blew us away. You were fun, sooo fun. So thank you for all of this and so much more. It sucks you won't be around when I come home and can't give you a big ol hug, but I know where you are, who you are with and I know you are in the best hands with no more pain. Till we meet again. Rest easy Grandpa, I love you.

-Elder Kameron Johnson

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high..."

-D&C 121: 7-8

Mine: 

We lost my sweet father-in-law this morning. Joel was one of the kindest men I have ever known. He was quiet, hardworking, unassuming, gentle, humble and went around doing good and serving others… his family, his country, and the Lord. He was fun! He loved games! This picture was taken after we thoroughly trounced our opponents! He made us so many fun games over the years. He could fix anything and was a master woodworker and created so many beautiful items for our home! He was an incredible grandpa and is loved dearly by all of his grandchildren. He is also one of the most courageous men I know who faced a devastating diagnosis with incredible bravery. He has been a wonderful example to us in so many ways including being a strong man of faith who loved the Lord. Joel, you are so loved…now and forever.

(Two of my sisters-in-law...Hanna (daughter-in-law) and Holly (daughter) posted really beautiful online tributes too.)

One More Hug

As I said in a previous post, we flew to Utah on a Thursday evening, on the day that I had brunch with my Aunt Bonnie. When the girls got home from school, we jumped in the car, and headed to the airport. Reilly couldn't get off of work and didn't get to come with us which was extremely sad. She and Hunter kept an eye on the house and on Miss Beverly for us.

By the time we got to SLC, got our rental car, and drove to Provo it was around 9:30 pm. We were starving so we stopped for dinner at Culvers (our kids favorite...and a Minnesota favorite) for food and frozen custard. Then we checked into our hotel. Tyler had booked us a nice hotel in downtown Provo. We were exhausted. Judie wanted us to meet them tomorrow in Provo at Joel's appointment with his oncologist. Joel had been released from the hospital the day before and was at home in Moroni.

The next morning we got up and headed over to Tyler's brother Brett's house. We had brunch with Brett, Marissa, Liv, and Lori and got the scoop on things from Lori before we went to Joel's doctor appointment that afternoon. Lori flew back to DC the next day so it was good that we had a little overlap time to see her.

It was great to be with Lori, Brett, Marissa, and our niece Liv. They caught us up to speed on all that had been going on. My mother-in-law has been very dependent on Joel and hasn't even been driving herself because she has cataracts and had put off surgery. Joel's son, Ben, was in town now along with Joel's youngest daughter, Holly, and they relieved Lori who had said her very difficult goodbyes and was staying in SLC with Brett and Marissa until her flight left the next day. She had used up all of her PTO.

Joel came into Tyler and his siblings lives about a year and a half after Tyler's parents divorced. Their parents divorced while Tyler was on his mission. Tyler's mom moved from Orem to Sanpete County and started working at Snow College. She met Joel, who was also divorced, and living in Moroni. They got married a year before I met Tyler. So Joel was always in the picture when I came on the scene. Tyler's dad never remarried and continued living in Orem. Tyler was living with him when I met Tyler. His dad, sadly, passed away about three months after we started dating. All that is to say that Joel has been in the family for a long time and is well loved. He has been a kind and loving friend to his step-children, a father-in-law to their spouses, and a true grandpa to their children.

The originals: Tyler, Lori, and Brett

Cousins: The girls with our niece Liv

While sad it was still fun to be together, to laugh, and to reminisce. Something momentous occurred while we were all together. Bryn got her period. (I have permission to share.) I got a text telling me to come to the bathroom "RIGHT NOW!!!" LOL. All was well and Bryn was congratulated on entering womanhood! Ha Ha!

Later that afternoon it was time to head back to Utah county to meet Judie and Joel. We had an hour to kill so we took Bryn to celebrate as is tradition with the Johnson girls. She wanted to go to Kneaders.

Joel's son Ben and his wife Sarah drove Judie and Joel up to Provo. Judie and Joel wanted Ben and Tyler to be with them when they got the definitive results of the latest biopsy and the stage of the cancer. Joel looked terrible. He was in a wheel chair and had an oxygen tank. His skin was gray. It was almost impossible to believe that this was the same man cruising Lake Coeur d' Alene with us and playing the electric cigar box guitar only three months before. 

Sarah, Ailey, Bryn, and I waited while the four of them went in. Tyler said that it was one of the hardest things he's ever been present for...to be there when someone is told there is no hope...nothing can be done...it's stage 4C (the worst of the worst)...and that Joel had days left... maybe a week to two weeks at most. 

Tyler said that the oncologist was extremely kind and gentle. They were all in tears. Joel was a stalwart. He wanted the facts and he took them bravely. The doctor told them that Joel had the most aggressive form of thyroid cancer. One small nodule and you are immediately classified as stage four. They could put Joel through chemo and radiation but it wasn't likely to do anything but make Joel feel worse than he already did. They could try a DNA match medication that targets this particular cancer but it was unlikely to work and it would take 2-3 weeks to have ready. The doctor quietly told Joel that at the rate the cancer was growing and spreading he didn't think it would be ready in time to do any good. Joel told him to go ahead and give the orders for the medication just in case. The doctor asked Joel what he wanted to do about chemo and radiation. Joel said, "If it isn't going to heal me or make me feel better than I do now... I don't want it." The doctor said that if it was him he would make the same choice...to go home and enjoy what time he had left. The doctor was LDS and knew that Judie and Joel were too. He told them that this is the same cancer that Elder L. Tom Perry had. They found Elder Perry's cancer earlier and did chemo/radiation and he only lived six weeks. This is a really awful cancer.

We met up with them when they came out of the doctor's office. All were in tears. We looked at Judie and she said, "It's not good news." We all cried together under the covered drive while Ben brought the car around. The girls gave Grandpa hugs and told him how much they loved him. We all did. As Tyler was helping Joel into the car he told Tyler just how tired he was feeling. Absolutely exhausted. We made plans to come down to Moroni the next day. We knew they needed time to be alone and to try to process everything. I was so glad that Ben and Tyler were there to support to them. 

After Joel's doctor appointment we were in a stunned and sadden state. We didn't know what to do or where to go. We ended up driving over to the Provo Temple. We got out and walked around the grounds just as the golden hour hit. Beautiful. It was the perfect place to feel peace.

As we were walking around the grounds and marveling at how stunning Timpanogos and Rock Canyon are; we saw two deer walking around on the temple grounds too. Somehow that felt significant. We have often associated Joel with deer and for whatever reason this felt like a sign of peace and comfort.

We said a prayer and left feeling a little lighter.

We went out to dinner at Los Hermanos. More for nostalgia's sake than for the food. We went to the one that is now in the University Mall. I miss the one that was downtown on Center Street. We introduced the girls to the Brisa drink: blackberries, strawberries, and ice cream blended together and to the Diablo Verde: a kiwi, lime, banana, and pineapple drink. One thing that I love about Utah is all of the specialty non-alcoholic drinks. 

After dinner we headed back to our hotel and as the night was warm we wandered around a bit downtown. It's changed a lot since our college days but so much of it is still familiar. I love the addition of the Provo City Center Temple. We fell into bed that night emotionally and physically drained.

The next morning we were up early. Tyler and the girls did a quick Target run and got us boba drinks for the ride down to Moroni. Most of Joel's kids were there when we arrived. It was so good to see them. We are the closest to the three youngest kids: Forrest, Gregg, and Holly. They lived with Judie and Joel after they got married. Forrest is my brother Kirk's age and Holly is my sister Jordin's age with Gregg in the middle. Forrest was 10 when I first met him, Gregg was 8, and Holly was 6. We attended all of their special events when they were young: baptisms, concerts, dance recitals, eagle scout banquets, and graduations. Forrest has come to visit us a couple of times since we moved to WA and we've gone on a camping trip together along with Judie and Joel. But it's been a few years since we have seen Gregg and Holly and the older Erickson kids. Forrest and his family live in WA too but on the west side.

Judie and Joel's house.

Shortly after we arrived at the house the hospice nurse showed up. Most all of us were present to hear about hospice and how it works. It was sobering. Joel had to fill out all kinds of paper work as he (and we) tried to absorb that this was really happening. The nurse was very kind and loving but terms like "after you are gone..." and "in the time that you have left..." were hard to take and there were a lot of tears. It just didn't seem real. It was strange to hear that he didn't need to take all of his previous medications anymore. No more vitamins, no blood pressure meds, blood thinners, or heart meds. He could just...stop. Joel has suffered from A-Fib for the last ten years. While in the hospital the week before he had to have another electrical cardioversion to restore a regular heart rhythm. There would be no more of that either.

The hospice nurse asked what he liked to drink and he said diet coke. Judie said, "You know you aren't supposed to have caffeine with your heart issues." The nurse quietly told her that wasn't an issue any more and if he wanted a diet coke he could have it. He could have anything that sounded good to eat or drink. Unfortunately there wasn't much that he could swallow. His throat was so closed off that it was making breathing difficult much less swallowing. He could also barely talk above a hoarse whisper and suffered bout after bout of wracking coughing fits that were hard to witness. The nurse talked to the family about what we could expect in the coming days and had more detailed instructions for those who would be caregivers. It was HARD. She was there for about two hours. Joel was thrilled when she finally left. He said, "I thought she was NEVER going to leave!"

Joel had been subsisting on broth, water, a little yogurt, and popsicles. So as soon as he got the go ahead to drink whatever he wanted Tyler and I ran to the little drive in hamburger place in Moroni and got him a giant diet coke and a vanilla milkshake that he thought sounded good. He polished off a good bit of the milkshake and drank that giant diet coke for two days. The hospice nurse said that coke (and only coke for whatever reason) seems to help lessen coughing.

We were there all day and we could see how tired and run down Joel was and Judie too. We all left in the evening to give them some time alone. Forrest and Holly were planning to stay for the next two weeks. But even they left to be with their families at the hotel for a few hours. I sat talking to Joel before I left about how he was holding up and dealing with things and he kept saying, "It's just all happened so fast." It truly was bewildering. I know that Judie was struggling with the reality of it. It was so hard for them because they were so happy that everyone was there and they were trying to enjoy being with everyone while this giant wrecking ball was hanging over their heads. 

Joel wanted to have "church" at his home the next day and partake of the sacrament. Forrest and Tyler are the only children still active in the church and they were on top of it. Tyler called their bishop and got everything arranged. Forrest was dealing with the ward and how they could help support Judie and Joel. They got everything planned and arranged. Then we hugged them goodbye and drove back to Provo. 

We were hungry so we stopped in Springville to eat at our old favorite restaurant, La Casita. We have wanted to eat there every time we are in Utah but just never seem to find our way to Springville. This was a regular family favorite when I was in 3rd-5th grade and we lived in Springville. Our family picture is even somewhere on the wall (or it used to be) in the hundreds of old polaroid pictures that they have covering the walls. The place was packed but we got right in and it was just a good as I remembered! After that it was back to our hotel where we collapsed and watched Ghostbusters.

The next morning we got up, put on our church clothes, and drove back down to Moroni. Forrest, his wife Hanna, and their kids: Ella, Zeanna, and Hazel met us there. We love them!!

Ailey, Ella, Hazel, Bryn, and Zeeanna.

We all headed into the living room and had our family church service. It was an incredibly special experience. We prayed and sang hymns. Judie played the piano and Ailey led the music. Tyler and Forrest prepared, blessed, and passed the Sacrament. Joel had made these cool wooden sacrament trays that he and Judie used when church was closed and home church was happening. Forrest's daughters sang the song, "My Own Sacred Grove." Then both Judie and Joel asked Tyler and Forrest to give them both priesthood blessings. That was a very spiritual experience. After that Judie asked Joel what song he would like for the closing song. He chose God Be With You Till We Meet Again. There were no dry eyes. As I looked at my father-in-law who was struggling to simply breathe and who could barely speak; I saw him look up the hymn and sing it in a raspy voice that was barely a whisper. I thought what a tremendous example of humility, bravery, and faith he is to all of us. I was so profoundly grateful for him and his example not only in my life but in the lives of all of us. I looked around at this simple living room that was full of love and knew that it was holy ground. I felt the Spirit of the Lord so strongly and we all shared a deep sense of peace.

As I looked at Tyler and Forrest, I saw them as the boys they were and the honorable men they have become...loving husbands and devoted fathers. Men who walk the talk. Tyler and Forrest are so similar that you would think that they were true brothers. They have very similar personalities, senses of humor, likes, and interests. They are both even in the same career field. They are more alike than Tyler and his own brother. Both Tyler and Forrest are somewhat outliers in their own families. Different from the rest. I think they were always meant to be brothers. All of our kids kept telling them how much they are alike. They both enjoyed the comparison. I am grateful that they had each other especially during this incredibly difficult time. I loved watching these two amazing men kneel in prayer, administer the sacrament, and honorably use the priesthood to bless and comfort their families. It brought tears to my eyes. 

Joel could have done anything he wanted on our last day together but what he wanted to do was take the sacrament and have a church service with his grandchildren. He wanted them to know what he believed and what he considered to be the most important thing in life. He showed them what true faith looked like. He wanted to share his love of the Savior with his grandchildren and family on the last day that we would have as a family in this life. The memory of that day...that home church service...and Joel... will be a touchstone in our lives. Of all the things that he could do or say...this is what mattered to him and what he wanted to leave with his family. 

Joel also really wanted to have a Sunday family dinner. He was always the host of our family gatherings. He cooked and loved to feed everyone. He hated not being able to do that. It was literally stressing him out worrying about his grandkids being hungry the day before. Food was the last thing on all of our minds yesterday. But on Sunday it was extremely important to him that we have this dinner. Important enough that Forrest was asked to go to the store and get the fixings for a spaghetti dinner the night before. I was asked to prepare it. I consider that quite a compliment. Joel has always been my number one fan in the cooking department. Judie has always had so many dietary issues that their meals have become pretty plain unless family is visiting. So he always enjoys meals at our house. He will have seconds and thirds. He compliments me up a storm. He is the sweetest! So after our church service Ailey and Bryn and I got busy cooking in the kitchen. Actually everyone helped. Forrest was cutting carrots from their garden and Hanna and her girls were bustling around helping. 

Tyler was in the living room with Judie and Joel because Kameron's Mission President gave Kam special permission to video chat with his grandparents and so he was helping with that. It was fun to have a Sunday dinner with everyone and even Joel who had been on basically a liquid diet wanted to eat some spaghetti and garlic bread. I love that he was still trying to show love for my cooking even on our last day together when I know how difficult it was for him to swallow anything. He ate as much as he could (which wasn't much) but he had a smile on his face to eat some "real food."

Video Chatting with Kam

I loved that Kameron was able to talk to his Grandpa, tell him about the latest happenings on his mission and the little branch where he is serving. Joel lit up and told Kam about his experiences with a branch and serving in the church. It was the most energized that we saw Joel that visit. They were able to have a good conversation (God bless technology!) and it was so nice for Kam to be able to talk to him and tell him that he loved him and to hear his grandpa say he loved him too and was proud of him. All.the.tears.

We stayed all day and the kids played in the yard. Hanna and I took pictures of the house and outbuildings and talked quietly about the family. She is awesome and I love her.

Joel built this cute "She Shed" for Judie.

Joel's shop.

The old original pioneer cabin that is on the property.

The beautiful ceiling that Joel made inside the house.

The lovely fireplace and mantle that he built.

Forrest and Tyler stayed inside with Judie and Joel. Joel discussed with them how he wanted things handled after he was gone. He told them what he wanted Judie to do with the house, cars, truck, and trailer etc. Forrest and Tyler assured him that whatever he wanted done would be done. Joel also started giving things away. He gave Tyler one of the electric cigar box guitars that he made. These are precious to the entire family and he only had four. The fact that he wanted our family to have one of them makes me cry. We had so much fun with Joel in July when he was teaching us to play it. He also wanted me to pick out a stein from his collection.

Grandpa signing his guitar.

We took family pictures. Joel didn't love having his picture taken but he still did it. It is so hard to believe the drastic change in his appearance in less than three months.

When my mom died so suddenly, our kids talked a lot about wishing they could have given her one more hug or said one more "I love you" and it's true we all wish that but we also talked about how there could never be enough hugs or enough I love you's. There aren't and there never could be. Even when death is expected there can never be enough.

All day we hugged Joel and told him over and over how much we loved him and how much he means to us and he told us over and over how much he loved us. But when the time came for us to actually physically leave it was almost impossible and unbearably painful. The girls kept running over to him "One more hug" and then we'd be almost to the door and back they went saying, "Just one more hug Grandpa." Back I would go too saying, "We love you so much!! We are so grateful for you!! You are the best! The best grandpa, the best father-in-law" and "I love you, we love you, we love you so much!" There are never enough hugs or I love you's or words to tell someone how much they mean to you for the last time. My family always tears up with goodbyes but this time we sobbed as we drove away. We wept as we drove back to Provo. Our hearts were absolutely aching. 

Kirk called us on our drive back to Provo and told us to come to his house ASAP. So we did. It was a much needed balm. Kirk and Meki know grief and they know how to sit with you in it. If there's anything we've all learned over the last two years it's how to sit with people in grief. They let us talk and cry. They fed us late night Chinese take out. They made us smile and laugh and feel better. My brother is hilarious and Uncle Kirky did a great job of cheering up his nieces.

Kirin wanted to be twins with Bryn so he ran to put on a shirt like hers over his Spiderman costume!

I am so grateful for Kirk and Meki, Forrest and Hanna, Brett and Marissa, and Lori. I am grateful for family and siblings who stand side by side and arm in arm with you in the trenches. They are gifts.

The next morning we checked out of our hotel and drove up Provo Canyon to Heber (which is unrecognizable) and onto Kamas and Oakley. We stopped for donuts at the Kamas Mirror Lake Chevron whose homemade donuts are truly the best donuts that I have ever had. We drove past my mom's old house in Oakley and showed the kids where Uncle Kirk went to high school and where Tyler and I went on our first date. Then we drove down Parley's Canyon and back into SLC. The girls wanted to stop and do a little shopping before our flight home. We grabbed lunch and then it was onto the airport.

The weather was rainy and windy in SLC. We had the worst turbulence that I have ever experienced in my life on the flight home. I am not a nervous flier and I was nervous. The girls did okay because they were looking at their dad who was laughing and saying, "This is awesome!" He is crazy. It was not awesome and I was glad when we finally landed safely in Spokane!

This trip was extremely emotional and difficult but it was one that we will never regret making. Having that time with Joel was a gift. A precious gift.