springdellgirl

Weaned


No...not Bryn. She's been weaned for months. I've been weaned from my anti-anxiety medication. (Not pictured above!!) Just in case any of you might have been wondering but were too afraid ask..."Is Kristin still on her happy pills?" The answer would be no. Not any longer.

So in analyzing this whole experience I have come to the conclusion that I really have no idea if the medication worked or not. Half the time I wondered if they were just placebos. (Is paranoia a side effect?) I started taking them at the first of the year. I took them while my cast was on and then was encouraged to finish out the prescription. Which ended up being basically three months. Then I had to call back in to get my instructions for the "weaning." Holy crap.

I guess the medication worked in that I didn't end up hacking my cast off and by the time I got it removed it barely bothered me (ok that's a lie...it bugged the crap out of me.) But did the medication reduce my anxiety? NO. I still felt lots of anxiety (I am a big worrier by nature) and had some worrisome things that occurred during this time and believe you me I felt it all. Obviously I would need a much larger dosage (perhaps horse tranquilizer size) to deal with my own particular brand of crazy.

I felt slightly subdued when I first started taking the meds but after about a month or so I felt like myself again. I found that I clenched my jaw A LOT... especially at night. (This is a common side effect.) In asking Tyler if he noticed any difference in me he said that the medication took the "edge" off. I was extremely insulted. What did he mean by my "edge"? Jerk. But since the weaning I get it. I have a short fuse. I get mad easily and fast. The medication really did help with that. After I began the weaning process I noticed it's return even though I didn't notice it's departure. Weird. Is that reason enough to stay on the medication? No. Patience is something that can be learned.

All in all, I really believe that my panic attack and cast-claustrophobia were due to a bad reaction to hydrocodone. (I have had bad reactions to it before and most of my claustrophobia/panic ended once I stopped taking the hydrocodone and switched to ibuprofen.) Either way I learned a lot about myself during this process. There is no weakness in asking for help if you need it. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you need anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. If you need it--use it!! If I need some help later in my life I won't hesitate to go in and have a frank conversation with my physician. No problem.

Now onto the weaning...that was a scary conversation with my physician. I have always known that you can't just go off this kind of medication "cold turkey"...you have to wean yourself slowly. Slowly is right. This has been a several week process. One that required me taking meticulous notes, marking off days on my calendar, and cutting pills. The doctor kept asking me on the phone "Mrs. Johnson, do you have a pen and paper because it is crucial that you write this down...it is crucial that you do not deviate from this plan...it is crucial that you call us immediately if you feel different/off/or have any unusual symptoms...now I need you to read your notes back to me so I know that you have the schedule of days and dosages down correctly. I can't stress enough how important it is that you do not deviate from this schedule and that you call us immediately if you have any problems." Uh-scary. Now I have anxiety about my anxiety medication!!

So far so good. No problems as of yet except for the fact that I have added two new phobias to my long list: breaking bones and panic attacks. File those right under rats and cats please. I am still glad to say I only had the one panic attack...but it was enough. I'm keeping THAT medication around "just in case". So I'm a little wiser, a little more empathetic and a little more "edgy" but hey I'm back to being me!!