Saturday, August 07, 2021

June 2021


June really WAS a month of celebrations! Birthdays, last day of school, Father's Day, first jobs, vaccinations, steps forward, decisions made, family visits, friends, parties, wedding receptions, and the  lifting of the mask mandate!

June was also a hot one! The weather was incredibly hot and humid. I am not a fan and it is not our norm. June is usually pretty cool and you can't even count on good weather for the 4th of July. But not this year. It has been a scorcher and it continues to be a scorcher on into July.

This month Ailey was on the job hunt. Finally fully vaccinated she was ready to earn some cash. She got hired for her first job! She decided to follow in the footsteps of her big brother and sister and is continuing the tradition of working at the same assisted living facility that both Reilly and Kameron worked at for their first jobs. She walked in, told them who she was, and was hired on the spot. She is the cutest little waitress! She is enjoying it too!


Ailey also finished up performing with the dance team for our crazy basketball season. Her dance team season ended and they had their awards party. They start back up for summer practice soon so she doesn't get too much of a break but it is nice for her to have a *little* bit of a break! 

Junior Year Drill Team Pictures:



Ailey had her first in person choir concert this month. The last one was their Christmas Choir Concert in 2019. I have to say it was a little emotional...in a good way...to be back and watching the kids perform again. 



Ailey was thrilled to say good-bye to her junior year and move on up to be a SENIOR. She also turned 17 this month!! 

Alas her birthday was a little crazy and frazzled but she was definitely a good sport and we had a trip waiting for her as part of her birthday fun! More on that later.

Brynnie had a big month! She ended her track season and had their awards party. She got to have field day at school which she was very excited about even though it was a bit different from years past. 


She had her piano recital and did a fantastic job! She got an award for "Best Attitude." This is also the first "In-Person" piano recital that she has had since her Christmas Recital in 2019. 

Her Strings Club ended for the summer. Next year she will be in *real* orchestra and she is super excited! As mentioned in a previous post... Bryn got to go to the temple for the first time and she loved it! Bryn also is fully vaccinated!! Yay! So happy about that!


Dose #1: Bryn was also vaccinated in Target but in the pharmacy area unlike Ailey. LOL.


Dose #2

Bryn's biggest news was that she officially graduated from elementary school. No more Johnsons in elementary after a 20 year run! It puts a little lump in my throat but I am excited for her to move on to middle school and for all of the new experiences that entails. 

Last day of elementary school! Still in a mask.

The last day of school was bittersweet for her (and me) as she said goodbye to so many of her (and my) favorite teachers. We have absolutely LOVED our elementary school!


All of our kids very FAVORITE teacher: Mrs. Antonio. She has become a very beloved family friend!


Their 2nd favorite teacher: Mr. O (aka Mr. Osborne)

Mrs. Carrick

Bryn's teachers this year...6th grade goes back and forth between teachers for different subjects.


Another Johnson family favorite! 
All four kids have been taught in some capacity by Mrs. Selland.


6th grade promotion is a big deal at our school and a much looked forward to event. This year it had to be paired down and viewed online which was a bummer but parents could come at the end of the day, gather outside, and take a few pictures. It was definitely not the big event that all of her other siblings got to have but it was still fun for her and she had a good time. She won the Perseverance Award (the big 6th grade leadership award) and that was really exciting. We had no idea. We were sitting on the couch and screaming our heads off when they announced her name! 





Super proud of this kid!

Kameron is doing great and has kept us laughing! The slump is over! I am so glad to see him in good spirits once more. He is also fully vaccinated now! Woohoo! That feels good! He felt pretty crappy for about 24 hours after his second dose. Bryn didn't have any major issues...just a sore arm and a bit of a headache. 

Kam had been really hoping that he would get transferred this time around and to his great joy he did! He was so ready to leave "the shack"! His new transfer has been pretty exciting! He is now in Prior Lake, MN which is a suburb about 20 minutes outside of Minneapolis. He was thrilled to leave small town living behind and return to the land of Chik-fil-a, Chipotle, and Target. LOL. He also went from the crappiest apartment in the mission to the nicest. Two levels and two bathrooms! Luxury! He and his new companion are now the social media specialists for the whole mission. They spend three days a week in the mission office doing their social media thing. He is super stoked about this assignment which he will do for the next 6 months. He really likes his new companion, who is from Hawaii, and they live with another set of missionaries who he says are also a lot of fun. The only downside is that his terrible mission companion (from several transfers ago) is now his district leader but Kam said that guy should be transferred at the next transfer and that as long as he doesn't have to live with him... he can deal with him. LOL. Kameron also got to see fireflies for the very first time!! He was super excited. It's pretty magical! 

Kam also sent us the most hilarious care package! This was exactly how it arrived with a Walmart bag scrunched on top of everything. LOL. Will wonders never cease! Our very first letters from him! He is the cutest and his letters were so thoughtful! We loved it! He sent Tyler and I each our favorite candies. He sent me a 1st edition Ray Bradbury book that he found. I was THRILLED. He sent three Lake Superior Agates that he found himself. (His previous companion from Rexburg is quite the rockhound.) He also sent us a large chunk of petrified wood that he bought at a rock show that his old companion begged to go to. LOL. Petrified wood reminds me of my Grandpa McKinnon and I have been wanting some for a long time. Kam's the sweetest!  

We've gotten to hang out a lot with Reilly this month which has been really fun! My birthday, Father's Day, lake days, and her just stopping by after work for a few hours. I love it! She likes to give me a new Alex and Ani bracelet every year. She got me such a good one for my birthday! The one this year is engraved with the words: Protect Your Peace. She is so thoughtful!

We went on a fun double date with Reilly and Hunter. We were belatedly celebrating Hunter's birthday. We had a blast!! It's times like these that I really enjoy grown up kids! We hung out in Kendall Yards, ate at Versailia Pizza, rode scooters (seriously so fun!), and got FROYO. We didn't get home until late!


 It was a great night!!

A downer this month for Reilly was that one morning when she went out to her car to go to work she saw that one of her car windows had been smashed in. Her new apartment complex doesn't have a surveillance system and so that sucked. They don't love their new neighborhood. Luckily she was able to get it repaired quickly but that kind of thing really stinks. She called Tyler in tears.

Reilly also ended up running into one of my sisters at Cafe Rio one day and had an awkward exchange. The things that my sister said to her were disappointing, untruthful, and put Reilly in an uncomfortable position. The upside was that it was brief and Reilly got to see my niece and give her a hug. My sister told Reilly that Jordin and Ramon are moving back to Kansas City. I actually think that will be such a good thing for their family.

Tyler is still working from home. He is still enjoying his "two minute pajama commute" as he calls it. He found out that there may be an option to go back to the office on July 6th. I guess we will see what happens with that. Otherwise he isn't scheduled to go back until September. 

It's been another busy month for him. He gets to go to mutual on Wednesday nights. I love that! I got to go with Reilly and Kameron when they were teenagers and it was fun! He's had a lot going on with his calling. No surprise there. June was his month to conduct and he was super nervous. He had no reason to be. He did such a great job! He also had the three day youth conference that he was in charge of at the end of the month. The timing turned out to be absolutely terrible due to things happening quickly with the lake house but he was able to be there and do what needed to be done and be at the lake when needed too. But he did have his first ever stress dream. LOL. Welcome to every night of my life! 


A picture we sent to Kam showing yet more evidence that we are living in a parallel universe! We are all in the car after an event waiting for TYLER who is still inside CHATTING! What?! Have we switched lives?! Tyler's famous words have always been, "I'll meet you in the car!" LOL.



Tyler also had his cardiology appointment. He is doing well and doesn't need to go back until next year. He was hoping to get off of his blood thinners but his doctor wants him to stay on them for another year. They sometimes make him feel light headed in the heat which annoys him.

My month has been full of a lot of really great highs and some lows. But more highs than lows so that is definitely something to CELEBRATE! And...we have made a lot of progress in dealing with my mom's estate that, while stressful and unpleasant, has still been PROGRESS! 

The best parts of the month for me have definitely been all of the celebrations. In addition to birthdays and Father's Day we attended four graduation parties for kids that we absolutely love and adore and one fun wedding reception! We have had so much friend time and it has been wonderful!! I just soaked it all up! All of us have been able to have A LOT of friend time this month and we have loved every minute of it! We also made plans to get together with some of our dearest friends when we are in Utah over the 4th of July and I am so excited about that! I also spent a little bit a time with some of my cousins out at the lake one evening.

Now for some of the lows... Kirk and I had mediation with our sisters on the 16th. Kirk and I had a meeting with our attorney prior to prepare for it which helped. I was not hopeful about it working. But mediation has an 85% success rate and it worked in our case. No one was more surprised than me. But it definitely wasn't fun. It was 7 grueling hours. Tyler and I were in one room...luckily with a GORGEOUS and soothing view of water and a gorgeous patio to sit out on. Kirk participated via conference call. 

Our view

Stacey, Kelley, and Jordin were in another room that overlooked the parking lot. I really liked our mediation attorney and thought that she did a great job. She definitely had her work cut out for her. It took over 7 hours to convince my sisters of basic facts about property values, math, and how home equity and market values work. But convince them she did. At the end of seven hours the decision was agreed upon by all FIVE of us to put the lake house up for sale. (Their social media posts would have you believe that they were "forced" by Kirk and I.) It wasn't an easy decision but it had to be done. The lake house is worth a lot of money. It has an incredibly large mortgage. Siblings are unable to work together. My sisters cannot afford to buy it and they cannot keep refusing to disperse the assets and settle the estate. We are at almost 2 years now and I have already contributed almost 30k of my own funds. It is past time to make some hard decisions. There were no winners. Circumstances out of our control brought us to this point. Neither Kirk nor I want to sell the lake house but we also can't live in denial. My sisters don't see it now but selling the lake house is also in their best interests too. They cannot afford it nor its upkeep. (I am grateful for good friends who brought me macarons after a long and difficult day!)

Kirk and I were given the sole responsibility to sell the lake house. (A blessing and a curse.) That included picking a realtor, setting the price, and accepting an offer. Our sisters have first right of refusal i.e. they have 7 days to exactly match a bonafide offer. This is when the month got extremely and unexpectedly hectic because unlike the three of them Kirk and I get @#$% done!! Despite all of the work involved... the right people were finally put in charge. Someone had to rip off the band-aid. Someone had to make the hard decisions. Someone had to do what needed to be done. Doing the right thing isn't always fun or pleasant. Change is hard and doing what needs to be done is hard. Kirk and I have been absolutely vilified for doing so by the majority of our family. (Many of whom asked to be cashed out when the lake property came to them a few years ago! Selective memory!) and other family and friends which made a difficult situation even more difficult. I refuse to be guilted by people who don't want to pay a dime into preserving this *family heritage* but still want limited access. Buy it if you want it. Otherwise I don't want to hear about how sad it is. Yes, it's sad. Life is sad. My mom died. That is sad. My family is destroyed. That is sad. My dysfunctional extended family is destroyed. That is sad. People with no skin in the game but just an opinion. Not sad. 

Thus began the process of interviewing realtors, picking a realtor, cleaning and staging the home, and clearing out 7 garages, selling a cargo trailer, photographing and drone videoing the home, and listing the house. And... all of this needed to occur on my week. Yes...in ONE week. This was also a week that our kids were STILL in school for part of it and Tyler was at Youth Conference for the other half of it. Ailey's birthday was also right smack in the middle of it too. This also happened to be one of my most successful months EVER at the store. I sold so many things and really needed to be working on my own projects! It was truly terrible timing but we got it done.

Tyler and I met with several realtors out at the lake and listened to their spiel. Kirk participated via conference call and we picked who we felt would be the best fit... a husband and wife team. Kirk and Meki drove up for a super quick weekend and we all worked our butts off to get the lake house ready to be listed. That including writing a history of the place and Kirk and I being photographed for a newspaper article. Our lake house has some local historical significance. 




Add to that it was 100 plus degrees all week long and the lake house has no AC. One day it even hit 115. It was miserable!

We had potential buyers requesting to view the lake property prior to even choosing a realtor. It was insanity! But if I have to be in insane circumstances I will always choose to have Tyler, Kirk, and Meki by my side! Add to this that Beverly ate something weird and was puking all night and necessitated a call to the animal ER. Thank goodness she was fine. Crazy little dog! Also... the night before Kirk and Meki arrived and after a full hot day; we finally jumped in the lake only to have Ailey accidently lock us out of the house. We had to call a locksmith at 9pm to come out and let us in. Again...insanity.

We were so happy to see Kirk and Meki arrive! The cavalry! While stressful and busy we did have some hilarious times! The drone footage is gorgeous! The pictures are amazing! The lake house looked beautiful. And...we crammed in a tiny bit of fun too.


Waiting for sushi! 



School FINALLY ended on the 22nd of June!



They had a celebratory Wah-Hing dinner on the dock!


We enjoyed the Strawberry Super Moon and Tyler even caught a shooting star in this picture! We had many nights of night swimming after long hot work days.


Bryn helped me out with some of my projects! She's awesome!

Kirk and Meki left early Sunday morning and so did we. Ailey had to speak in church, Tyler had to conduct, Bryn had a presidency meeting, and I was subbing for my ward's Primary President. Good grief. After church and all of Tyler's meetings we had to run back out to the lake, meet with realtors again as they placed the for sale signs (tears for sure), removed basically all that was left of the items that I inherited, grabbed a quick dinner, cleaned, and closed the place up for three showings the next day. We left at 10pm absolutely exhausted...mentally and physically.

This has been a month of eating ice cream dinners, cereal dinners, sandwich dinners, and the occasional salad. It's been too hot and we have been too tired. Exercise went out window this month except for the very occasional night walk. Again...too hot and too tired. I am feeling the effects and I don't like it. The heat has been so excessive that there were rolling blackouts in certain parts of town to help with the power overload. That has never happened here before. 

My calling has kept me busy with multiple stake trainings and planning a day camp for the stake activity day kids. I am conquering my fear of public speaking... all I do these days is speak at various church meetings. LOL. I had my last institute class until September. I am going to miss it!

On the COVID front...we found out that people who have been vaccinated don't have to wear masks at church anymore! Hooray! At the end of the month our idiotic governor finally opened up our state and lifted the mask mandate. We were the first state to shut down and one of the last to open up. 

We got our Yum box for the month and the country was South Korea. It was so-so. 


We tried:

Cinnamon Sugar Mini Churros: Delicious but seems a weird choice for South Korea.

Banana Choco Pie: Good. Tasted like the Banana Marshmallow Moon Pies that came in the vending machine at the Springville Rec Center when I was in elementary school.

Crunchy Pepero (Cocoa Dipped Biscuit Sticks): Ok. These were like a cross between Almond Roca and Poky.

Sour Grape Chews: Best thing in the box. Tasted like super sour and soft Laffy Taffy but better.

Korean Fried Chicken Balls: Sound appetizing? No. They were not. They tasted like Corn Puffs cereal with hot sauce.

Korean Truffle Potato Chips: So-So.

Choco and Coconut Puffs: Bland. Tasted like chocolate corn puffs.

White Torte Cookies: Bland. The description said that it was a mascarpone cream cookie. Nope.

Korean Strawberry Gummies: Not good.

Custard Cream Cake: Blah.

It was not the best box that we have received but not the worst either. We tried these treats dockside which made it even more festive. LOL.

The lake listing went live at the end of the month. I cried. It is not easy. People don't realize that this isn't a *choice*...whether to keep the lake house or not. It is called reality and unfortunate circumstances. HATRED and VITROL rained down on Kirk and I. ALL DAY LONG. I'm so done.

But to close out the month with some GOOD NEWS... we have our boat back! It is repaired and working great!! On the last day of the month we packed up for a big trip to Utah to celebrate the 4th of July. It felt great to leave all the lake issues behind us for a week!

And...my peonies bloomed and were AMAZING!!



My mantras this month have been: "The only way out is through" and "To end you have to begin."

Wednesday, August 04, 2021

Email from Elder Johnson #25

Transfers📱💻

6-28-21

What's gooood! I've been M.I.A these last few weeks but I figured I'd give y'all an update! 

This last week was transfers! I have officially left Princeton and I'm now in Prior Lake! Andddd I'm now a part of the Social Media hub for the mission! So basically me and a few other missionaries are in charge of all things social media wise for the mission! 

I've absolutely loved my time in Princeton and will miss the the people there! They are absolutely amazing but I'm so excited to see what happens these next few months here in Prior Lake! As part of the Tech hub; my companion and are in charge of production, so we create and edit videos/ads for the mission so I'm stoked for that! These last couple days have gone by sooo fast. We are incredibly busy with so many things to get done. Haha but its such a blast!

Other then that there's not too much going on. Haha! I loveee and miss you all! 

Here's a cool scripture:

2 Nephi 4:34: "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever..."

Have a good week!

Love yall❤

-Elder Johnson 


 The boys💯😳


Elder Neiderhauser👀


 Elder Wilkinson🔥


Elder Allen

Monday, August 02, 2021

Email from Elder Johnson #24

He is CHOP CHOP man 

5-25-21



Heyo! Hope ya'lls week has been fantastic! I love and miss you all so very much! Minnesota is heating up (thank goodness) and the unofficial Minnesota state bird (the mosquito) is out in full force...yay. But I'll take them over -40° any day of the week!


Elder Wong! A General Authority 70 (A higher-up leader in our church) came out to Minnesota and did a mission tour! (A mission tour is basically where a Leader comes and trains the missionaries there! Gives us council and teaches us in areas we could improve in as a mission!) It was super cool and Elder Wong is a funny dude. He quizzed a bunch of missionaries at the end of his training and asked questions based on what he taught. He would hold an open water bottle over their heads while they tried to answer his questions. hahaha.



Other than that not too much went on! Everyday I continue to see how God lights our way and directs our path, Elder Wong said, "God knows the details, of the details, of the details, of our lives." I know that with my whole heart. God knows exactly what we need and how to best help us. Trust him. Be patient. Love him with all you've got.

Alma 34:41

"But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions."


"President Nelson is a CHOP CHOP man." -Elder Wong

Love ya'll!❤

-Elder Johnson

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Ailey's 17th Birthday

 Happy Birthday Ailey!


She's 17!!

Ailey's birthday was a bit of a bust this year but she was a good sport about it. It came right in the middle of the busiest weekend imaginable. The good news was that she got to celebrate it at the lake and that Kirk and Meki were here.

Her birthday started out in Spokane. She and Tyler both had to work so they were in town and Bryn and I were out at the lake. Ailey woke up to donuts and chocolate milk from Tyler which she loved! Bryn and I drove into Spokane and picked her up when she was done with her breakfast shift. We had decorated the lake house and made her favorite ice cream cake. Ailey wanted to go to McDonald's for lunch so we did that too. The majority of her friends were all at youth conference. (Ailey didn't get to go because she couldn't take work off.) Even though her friends weren't supposed to have their phones at youth conference Ailey got a lot of hilarious videos, birthday posts, and messages!!

That afternoon Kirk, Meki, and Tyler all arrived. In between all of the work to get the lake house ready for the photographer who was coming the next day we managed to have a pizza party for Ailey and ate her ice cream birthday cake and even found time for a night swim.

After our hectic weekend was over and we were back in town. Ailey requested a clothes shopping spree and lunch date. We found her some cute summer clothes and had fun! The day after that we headed to Utah, which was also something that she really wanted to do for her birthday, so she could have a lot of cousin time with Kaiya. 


Cutest cousins!!

So even though it was kind of a hectic birthday; Ailey still had fun and felt loved and celebrated.

Happy Birthday Ailey!!

We LOVE you!


Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Father's Day 2021

 Father's Day!


Tyler decided how he wanted to celebrate Father's Day and we were happy to oblige! This year since he had to be at church and had multiple meetings; he wanted more of a relaxing Father's Day at home. Done!


His morning started bright and early with his requested Eggs Benedict breakfast! Have I mentioned how amazing Ailey's hollandaise sauce is a million times yet? It is so freaking good! She has perfected Eggs Benedict and Tyler couldn't be more thrilled! It's his very favorite breakfast dish.

Tyler woke up to sweet Father's Day posts from all of his children. I wish I would've screen shot them all. Here's Kameron's...


Then he was off to church. Our Father's Day Sacrament meeting was a good one. Tyler was conducting and had lined up some great speakers. I loved that this year it was acknowledged and honored that not everyone has/had a loving father, honored the situation of those who had lost a father, and honored the single mothers who were both mother and father to their children. (That had a lot to do with Tyler being in the bishopric and his influence and it was much needed.)  All second hour classes were cancelled and we had a Pie Linger Longer instead. Our ward LOVES a Linger Longer and utilizes them any time that we can: Christmas Sunday, Easter Sunday, and after the Primary Program. It was fun for EVERYONE (not just the men) to just eat pie and socialize!

After church, Tyler had a special video chat with our favorite missionary!! I love my guys! They are the best!! 

Then it was time for Tyler to celebrate with his girls! Reilly and Hunter had to divide and conquer this year as both dads were celebrating at the same time. (Hunter's parents live 5 minutes from us.)

Tyler wanted to BBQ and hang out in our yard and on our deck. It's something that we have barely done this hectic and stressful summer. It felt good!



We had a lot of fun! Tyler requested some new (and nicer) camping gear for Father's Day since now he is camping all of the time with the youth. He picked it out and had it shipped to himself! He was thrilled about it and it made it really easy on all of us. LOL.

We played games...which actually included giving each other psychological tests which is apparently how we get our kicks! LOL. Ever since we found out that Ailey has no mind's eye this way; we can't be stopped! Who knows what other weirdness could be discovered! Kam took the tests too!

We also verified that Reilly is now taller than me and that Bryn is definitely taller than Ailey:

  

I asked the kids in advance to text me what values they felt that they have learned from Tyler. (I stole this idea from Matthew McConaughey). It actually turned out to be an unexpectedly touching experience. 

Reilly: 

The importance of having a work ethic and honoring the Johnson name.

Kameron:

Work hard. Never do a job half-way or half-a**ed.

Be a man of your word. If you say you're going to do something, do it, and do it well.

Honor your Priesthood.

Respect the women in your life and show that you love and appreciate them.

Love your mother.

Own up to your actions.

Trust God.

Bear the Johnson name proudly and don't drag it through the mud.

Family comes first. We show up for each other.

Pray and read the scriptures.

Ailey:

Hard work! His example has shown me over and over again how important hard work is. 

A value I have also learned from Dad is compassion and love. Through his love for Mom and the compassion he has for others it's shown me how I want to be treated when I'm married and how I want to treat others.

Lastly, another value I've learned from Dad is dependability. No matter what I know that I can depend on Dad at all times and that if I ever need anything he will be there.

Bryn:

I've learned to always be a hard worker and to just get things done even when you don't feel like doing it.

Also to never give up. Always persevere. With his diabetes he never complains about how hard or annoying it is to always have to take shots or do the responsibilities for it. He's gone through so many surgeries and rarely ever complains about it.

He always puts a happier outcome on everything and can ALWAYS make someone smile.

(I think we have some pretty great kids who also happen to have an incredible dad!!) 

Happy Father's Day Tyler!! 

You are the BEST!! 

We love you very much!!


 

Sunday, July 25, 2021

June: Day 30

 Day 30: What I Know for Sure


God wins. He takes what the enemy meant for evil and He turns it for good. I can trust Him. 

Today is the last day of my little birthday challenge. I thought it would be more fun and light-hearted. That isn't *quite* how it turned out. But I needed the introspection. I needed to dig. I needed to poke and prod those tender wounded places. I needed to learn a few things. I needed to express a few things. I needed to be honest with myself about a few things. So while not exactly the amusing and light-hearted exercise that I expected; I am glad that I did it.


Saturday, July 24, 2021

June: Day 29

Day 29: What I am Watching

Oh good! A light hearted question. Why did I think doing this challenge was a good idea? LOL. I don't watch much TV but when I do... I don't want it to be mentally taxing. Ha Ha! 

Here's what I have been watching this month:

1.) Real Housewives of Beverly Hills


 My favorite.

2.) Keeping Up With the Kardashians


A long time old favorite.

3.) This Way Up

This is the most hilarious show! It's on Hulu and I absolutely love it! It is about two extremely funny Irish sisters living in London...one of whom is trying to put her life back together after a nervous breakdown. I was laughing until I was crying!

4.) The Real World Homecoming: New York


When I was in college, The Real World was my favorite show. I absolutely watched this New York Cast reunion and enjoyed it. I hope they do more.


Friday, July 23, 2021

June: Day 28

 Day 28: Something I Don't Share is...



The anger I feel. Especially about the lake situation. Yes, I've started writing about it on the blog as a way of processing my feelings but I don't speak much about it in my personal life. Some of my very close friends are in the know but most people are unaware of the extent and the toll that it has taken. It's a downer topic. It brings up weird feelings in people and I have enough to deal with than trying to figure out (or honestly care) why they are triggered. In a nutshell... I am a private person. I don't like speaking poorly of others. I don't like to be a complainer. The situation is embarrassing. My siblings are embarrassing.

But I am angry. I am angry with would-be friends and family who could believe the worst of me. I thought my integrity and loyalty meant more to them. I am even angrier about those lukewarm family and friends who show secret half-hearted support but never utter a word in my defense or Kirk's. These are people who have known us our entire lives. They know the kind of people that Kirk and I are and have always been. People that we have stood by and supported in the past.

I am angry with my mom. I am angry that she is gone. I am angry that she left us with this mess. Why didn't she get to the hospital quicker? She had blood clots in her lungs before; she had to have recognized the feeling. Why did she waste time calling Jordin of all people?! Why did she waste time driving to the airport when she knew something was wrong? Why didn't she drive straight to the hospital? Why didn't she address her dysfunctional issues with own her siblings and their spouses? Why did their dysfunction have to become MY dysfunction? Why didn't she get involved and put a stop to the petty issues with her own children? Why didn't she have those hard conversations about substance abuse with the children who have substance abuse issues rather than talk and complain ad nauseum about it to her other children? Why did she let things get so out of hand? Why didn't she retire when she said that she was going to? She would have never been on that plane and then Kirk and I wouldn't have to be dealing with her messy relationships and family and financial issues. I'm angry about unfinished conversations.

I am angry with the circumstances that require me to say goodbye to a place that I have loved my entire life. I am angry that people think it is a choice. I am angry that Kirk and I are treated like garbage for doing what needs to be done. I am angry that people are either totally awful to us, silent, or heap their own guilt and sadness on us. Carry your own burdens please.

I am angry that my biggest triggers are not doing the right thing and disloyalty. I am angry that doing the right thing and being loyal are so important to me and don't seem to mean much to others. I do what's right and am loyal to my own detriment. No one is throwing me a ticker tape parade for making the hard but right decisions in life. I am angry that people who should have... haven't shown me an ounce of appreciation for any of the loyalty that I have shown to them over the years. I am angry that I am disappointed by that and I am angry that I even care. I am angry that I am angry.

This isn't an uplifting post but it is a truthful one and it felt good to write.


Thursday, July 22, 2021

June: Day 27

 Day 27: Happiness is...


These days it is definitely progress. No matter how small; I celebrate it!

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

June: Day 26

 Day 26: A Struggle Right Now 


Having any down time. This month has been absolutely exhausting mentally and physically. Tyler and I just keep asking ourselves..."When do we get our lives back?"

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

June: Day 25

 Day 25: I can't wait until...

We close on the lake house and I can put this all behind me.

Monday, July 19, 2021

June: Day 24

 Day 24: What I am Wearing



The $13 Walmart dress!! All.The.Time. I now have it in 4 colors: black, coral, blue, and yellow. Ailey and Bryn have it in 4 colors: green, black, olive, and slate gray. They share because they wear the same size. I even got a phone call from Reilly two weeks ago when she was at Walmart and who with resignation in her voice said, "What color do I start with?" LOL! This J.Crew dupe dress has come in so handy during this broiling hot summer! I've worn them to church...to weddings...to date nights...to lunches...shopping...and to all kinds of things! It's cute. It's cool. It's cheap. It can be dressed up or down. You just can't beat that!


Sunday, July 18, 2021

June: Day 23

 Day 23: Something Said To Me


A couple of years ago I was talking to my friend Naomi's mom. The beloved Mrs. Winkler. This was a woman who taught me piano lessons and let me run through her house at all hours of the day and night. A woman who always threw an extra plate on the table at meal times. A woman who often took me aside and told me that I was sometimes a "little too loud" and who told me (in the kindest way) how I could be a bit "more ladylike". This was a woman who prayed for me and who took an interest in my life (and Tyler's and our children's) all of the rest of the days of her life. Anyway... a couple of years ago I was talking to her and thanking her for the influence that she had been in my life and the kindness that she had always shown to me. She hugged me and said "Kristin, you are easy to love!" 

I cannot tell you the impact that her words had (and continue) to have on me. They may be some of the most powerful words that anyone has ever said to me. I grew up in a home (and family) where I was consistently made to feel like I was hard to love… not by my mom…I always felt deeply loved by her…but by others. It always made me question how "loveable" I actually was. I always felt loved by friends and boys...and obviously Tyler and my own children... but the sibling dysfunction and step-father issues go back so many years and even include extended family. Those unlovable thoughts are embedded deep. Flash forward to today...where every family utterance to me via texts, emails, and social media posts is shouting in all caps about how unlovable and unlikeable I am... I take great solace in the words of a woman who didn't have to love me. Who didn't have to like me. Who didn't have to go out of her way to make me feel like a part of her family and who certainly didn't have to continue to do so until her death which was sadly three days before my own mother died. Thank you Mrs. Winkler. I love you too.


Friday, July 16, 2021

June: Day 22

Day 22: My Body is Telling Me

To exercise and get more sleep! That has been what my body has been telling me since COVID began and my life with it's compounding stress really kicked into high gear. Exercise and sleep are the healthiest ways for me to complete the stress cycle. I HAVE to exercise and I HAVE to make sure that I get enough sleep. These are some of the top priorities that my body continues to tell me...488 days later. Oh it's also telling me to eat healthy, drink more water, be creative, be social, laugh, have more sex, practice gratitude, have good deep conversations, and pray muscularly. I guess I need to be a little better about LISTENING! 


Thursday, July 15, 2021

June: Day 21

Day 21: In 10 Years I Hope


That the future is bright! Our family is alive and well! Everyone is healthy and happy! Tyler will be 60. I will be 59. Reilly will be 34. Kameron will be 30. Ailey will be 27. Bryn will be 22. I hope that our kids are all finding or have found wonderful people to share their lives with and to start their families with. I hope that our children have all found (or are starting) interesting and fulfilling careers. I hope that our family continues to be close and loving. I hope that we continue to be supportive of one another. I hope that Tyler and I continue to be close to our children and have rich and loving relationships with them. I hope that we are close with our in-law kids and whatever grandchildren we might have by then! I hope that we all enjoy spending time together and that those interactions are full of love, laughter, adventure, and joy! I hope that Tyler and I are loving being empty nesters! I hope that we are traveling and enjoying our life together! I hope that we have accomplished several of the major goals that we have set as a couple and several of the ones that we have set for our family. I hope that we are all happy, healthy, and thriving!

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

June: Day 20

 Day 20: #TBT to a Younger Version


In this picture I am seven years old. I am on vacation and actually in Spokane at Riverfront Park which is a place that our kids have grown up going to. I love seeing pictures of myself in some of the favorite places of my own children. 

I have so much love and compassion for this little girl. She is smiling but she is going through so many hard things that no one knows about. She is living through trauma but she is still finding moments of joy. Her smile is genuine. Finding joy is a gift that has served her well throughout her life and perhaps saved her life.



Tuesday, July 13, 2021

June: Day 19

 Day 19: Best Social Media Follow

Right now my favorite social media follow is @sharonsaysso on Instagram. She is a non-partisan US Government and Law educator. She is America's Government Teacher. Her account is so interesting and FUN! She never reveals her own political affiliation. She presents issues from all sides and regularly has both liberals and conservatives weigh in. Fascinating. I loved my government class in high school and this is a fun and educational follow. It has lead to some great conversations with our children about current events and politics. Plus, she lives in Duluth, Minnesota and I am super interested in all things Minnesota!! I highly recommend! She has a podcast that will be launching in a few weeks too. Plus, she occasionally does clothes box try-ons and it is hilarious! 


Monday, July 12, 2021

June: Day 18

Day 18: Favorite Fictional Character


Finally a fun and light-hearted question! This is an easy one. James Alexander Malcom Mackenzie Fraser aka Jamie Fraser from the Outlander book series. This is BOOK Jamie Fraser not TV show Jamie Fraser. Yes, there is a difference. A big difference! 


Sunday, July 11, 2021

June: Day 17

 Day 17: What I'm learning



You can step back from toxic family members and be okay. Great even! I know this all sounds like a broken record response for most of these June questions but this is the season of life that I am in. You can... not only LIVE without toxic people... you can THRIVE! Thrive doesn't mean the process is easy or painless but it is freeing. There have been toxic shackles around me for so many years and I am truly happy that they are off. I am finally able to truly focus on my own family. 

Growing up my family was steeped in trauma. Day after day. Year after year. Living with my step-father was hell. Some of us have worked extremely hard through much therapy and personal growth to process and work through our experiences and emotions. Some of us have chosen substance abuse to numb those feelings. Some have chosen denial and some have chosen blame. I no longer allow myself to be affected by those who refuse to face and process what has happened and I refuse to be drawn into their theatrics, dramatics, and grabs for negative attention. 

Year after year of drunken toxic holidays/family gatherings and their after affects have taken a toll on my own family especially my children. The constant walking on eggshells. Witnessing out of control behavior. The constant gaslighting of being told that what they were witnessing wasn't actually what they were witnessing. My children having (and choosing) to leave family events (along with their boyfriends/girlfriends) due to the volatility (and embarrassment). I always felt obligated to be present at family events for my mother who also worried and despaired at how to handle certain siblings substance abuse and out of control behavior. I should've walked away so many years before. For too long I watched siblings self-destruct and blame others for their own choices including choosing to remain a victim while they spewed their anger and blame all over other family members and wreaked havoc. I should have done more to remove my family from that environment years before. It was a regular fight with Tyler who didn't want our children anywhere near any of that and he was right. For too many years I said to him..."You get to decide how we deal with your family and I get to decide how we deal with mine." I was wrong. It makes me sick and sad to think about how wrong I was. We did take some large steps back when Reilly started high school but I really regret not listening to Tyler and stepping back sooner. 

Where we are now is peaceful. Where we are now is healthy. Where we are now is a place of resilience. Where we are now is a place of joy. The extended family that does play a role in our lives only enhances and adds to the beauty and richness of our own family. It doesn't detract from it anymore. I am also free from the responsibility of problems and behaviors that weren't ever mine to carry. That is worth it's weight in gold. 




Saturday, July 10, 2021

June: Day 16

 Day 16: Song lyrics

I have a couple song lyrics that always seem to be on repeat in my head these days. Again... unlikely sources... but they rattle around in my head day-after-day.

Ben Rector: Peace

So I found peace with who I am now
It's the only me I'll ever be, I've found
There are other places, there are a million other faces
I found peace with who I am now

Elevation Worship: See a Victory

You take what the enemy meant for evil
And You turn it for good


Thursday, July 08, 2021

June: Day 15

Day 15: This is how I reset


I have several ways that I reset i.e restore serenity and keep myself emotionally grounded. The most common way is that I go to water. This is obviously a picture off of the dock at the lake but it doesn't need to be "our" lake. Water is my go-to reset. It can be a river, lake, water fall, creek, pond, or ocean. Each time it does the trick. Even in winter I frequently drive to "look at open water". It's got some magical reset properties for me especially if I can get in the water. Even if it is just a toe in the water or a hand swishing the water. But actually jumping in and swimming is the holy grail of reset!

Other ways I reset include: walks with Tyler (also a huge one...even better if we walk next to water), being outside in nature, exercising, sleep, and occasionally music. I've gotten pretty good at identifying when I need a reset and making it happen. Without it I don't think I would've have survived the last couple of years. 


Tuesday, July 06, 2021

June: Day 14

Day 14: Who are my people?

Well... I would say that group is smaller than who I thought it was a few years ago. My eyes are WIDE OPEN and I am now able to see the people in my life for who they actually are. I am grateful for the discernment. While initially quite painful... I have grown over time to see it as a gift. It has become CRYSTAL clear. I know those who are truly in my corner. I know those who are fair-weather and lip service friends and family. I sadly know those who are enemies and those who actually don't care enough to be any of the above. It's been painful and freeing. Goodbye to obligations of the past, present, or bloodline. Hello to true friends and family who stand by your side and lift and strengthen you! I am so grateful for them. There is no denying who they are. Hello to community and those who encircle and envelope my family and myself in love. They are the keepers. Family is who you make it. I am grateful for mine!



Friday, July 02, 2021

June: Day 13

 Day 13: I am proud of myself for...

Getting through this last year of family betrayal and drama (seems like too understated a word) with my integrity, dignity, character, self-respect, and sanity intact. It's been no easy feat! It's actually been one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. The high road isn't an easy road. I have been attacked on every level personally and publicly. My name, character, and reputation has been dragged through the mud over and over and over again. I have been called every kind of vicious, vile, and hateful name possible both personally and publicly. I have been vilified and attacked along with my husband, kids, brother, and sister-in-law. We've been lied about and treated like crap by people who I thought were friends and supportive family. Still...I have kept true to myself and my integrity and values. I can look myself in the mirror every day and like who I see. And one day I will be able to look my mother in the eye and have nothing to regret or be ashamed of. I am at peace with me.